not well

my head hurts...
my tummy hurts even more....

but hurts the most is...

nobody seem to care....

or is it just me?

where we are...

would you say we wasted our time?
would you care to look back at the past?

stay way you are....
didnt we made it this far?
did we made it thru the racket?

havent it occured to you that your sadness was mine too?
do you feel what i feel?

can you hear my heartbeat when i see you?
will i see you?

why is it just simple words break the heart?
why is it that a simple indifference would shrug away all confidence?

the memories are dimmed....
i'm not that forgetful you see...
i'll remember every memory that always come to heart...
if i cant remember...
than its either it didnt touched my heart or just wasnt there....

they say 'i' is a selfish word....
but 'ego' was much worse....

dont i have the right to be understand?
why do i have to keep guessing?

why do you always compare your life with mine?
when will you understand its not the same...
its never the same...

i'm not missing you now....
i'm missing the old you...

you want the old me...
you want me happy-go-lucky...
but how can i be that..
when im lost without you?

a story of a necklace

jealousy...

thats what i saw in your eyes when i broke the news....
you ask for the price and told me how expensive it was...
you made a face and went to your room for a long time....

my excitement for that day was lost by that moment....
my effort to make myself away was wash away just by that...

did it occured to you that i was proud of myself?
did it occur to you that i never meant to make you feel bad?

i kept asking myself what was wrong...
what significant act that i did that always make you upset...

did you know that i originally wanted to kept it a secret?
that i brought it to be the sunlight in my life...
a hope...
a dream...
or
a maybe even a present for myself...

i have never thought youd say those words...
how it had made me worried...
how i felt sad over such little time of excitement...

i vowed that day...
that i promise to myself...
if i wanted to make myself happy...
i'll just keep it to myself...
if me being sad or unhappy has made your day...
then its fine by me...

its been along time a feel happy and proud...
though youd like the share...
maybe i should follow my first instinct...
just shut up and kept it a secret....

no one will notice or care....

its weight i will carry..
not as a burden....
i'll let it shine...
i'll held it in my hands...
i'll grasp any hope it gives...
it'll be my vision...

your indifference will soon meant nothing to me...
what i feel i'll care now....
i'll keep it to myself now....

they say sharing is caring...
i guess that doesnt imply in my case...

60th

"Love's good when it's right and when it's left in your memory"

205 days....

que pasa?

the darkness crawls around me throughout the day
days has passed and the strength has gone weak
time has passed and yet no progress has been made
brought a little sunlight but that didnt change
sharing is caring yet there nothing more to share
near death panel yet a smile was given anyway
the past has come again as a haunted ghost,cursed maybe?
hope has gone far as imagiation will follow
the precious is broken can you hear it break?
how could a pure blood be left to bleed?
has it gone too far to turn back around?
too much have been risk yet so much has been lost
time has been wasted as effort will carry it...
should it?

before the new moon comes..theres twillight...

aarggghhh!!!!!

today, is the first time im commenting on a actor/actress!
im so fed up with all the publisity taken for new moon!
the trailer was soooooo dissappointing!
hey!
i love stepenie mayer...
i love edward cullen...
and i adore bella swan....

but!

i hate kristen stewart!

omg!!!!!!!! she always have to control her face! as if; 'look here,im pretty! im with robert pattison! were an item right now!' hello??????!!!!!!! youve ruin the whole movie demittt!!!!! you look so desperate!!!!! arrgghhhh!!!!!!!

i was so shocked to see you at the teen awards...you act sooooo like bella!!!!
but why oh why are you so pathetic in the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the best part of all....why should you 'share' roberts lime light? and what's the problem of answering the question that you guys are an item???? so that people would watch 'new moon'???? hellloooo???? !!!! if your really THAT GOOD...you wouldnt need the interviews! huh!!!!!!

you guys are so uncooolllll!!!!!! and kristen? what the hell are you doing being with robert when you ALREADY HAVE A BOYFRIEND? and proudly saying ' ROBERT PROPOSED TO ME 4 TIMES?' hah! i have to say you did met your boyfriend when you both were casting in a same movie....maybe Robert's the next?

you guys are so new in the movie..you not adjusted yet at being famous..and yet you take all the lime light and making it worse...haha! the reason Twillight was a success is because we love EDWARD CULLEN! we love the VAMPIRES! NOT YOU GUYS!!!!

i could agree with the casting but you guys simply cant handle the gossips....

huh!

puas hati!

enola ma i.....

so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! i'm lonely so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what? so what?shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up! shut up!

What now?

I'm getting tired recently...
I dunno what to do..
I'm so lazy...

Aaaa~

Cepatla abes intern~

Giving the best

Do you always give your best?

Sometimes i do ask myself these questions since i always end up dissapointing people...especially the people i love...

Sometimes I do wonder was doing the best was enough...since i dont feel appreciated with what i do....

i juz dont understand why is it so hard to please them...theres always some fault or mistake that will be brought up...

I know i always want to give my best as well as showing them of what i can do...it may take awhile to deliver since im too stupid or so...they might have thinking it as an excuse but only God knows why....

maybe thats the reason im so sick of caring.....some friends always tend to say im caring..and i agree because thats who i am...but some dont..they just think of it as being busy body or spoilt....is it too much for being caring?


i know im not perfect ...because sumtimes i do it to myself too...

i know nobodys perfect but what i dont get is that you always label someone with expectations..and when thats not met...you lash out at them to satisfy your expectation..to make them feel so low to the bottom...even you may never know when it'll come up again...

what i know that what i do is not to satisfy others but rather to prove to myself that i can do it...

i want and like to give them the best...but its always not enough when its not in time...whats saddens me most is that i didnt knew or know what theyre expectation untill i get the lash....

i dont blame them...
i blame myself...
i dunno myself anymore...
im lost....
im a lousy loser...

Saying ' I do'

"Con ogni respiro che prendo......"

It has been about 5 months since I last saw my beloved and right now I miss him so much I wish I had another way that i can let go of this 'missing' flu...sigh~

But what I want to write about today is not an excuse from this feelings..it just came to thought for awhile, to be precise since at about a month ago...while i was talking to the tea-lady...

Lets skip the fact of the person you want to marry....

And let me tell you about marriage from what I saw.....

What you need to know is marriage is not a fairy tale....

Everybody dreams of a happy marriage but few want to think of how they can have a happy and perfect marriage...

Surrounding by married people makes you think so much that your not sure how to make a big step, and you know by that time your not as ready as you thought you are...

Ive seen a nice man that is so good with other fellow co-workers but not as loyal to his wife...How can that be? How come a person that you can respect so much...can be so ignorant with his wife...Just because his wife is not as beautiful as she used to be...She's sick and cant be pretty again...And besides being supportive was left doing the housework and child care while the husband went out with somebody else....

Is being pretty and sexy is so important in this era of marriages?

Ive seen a women who went into marriage after only dating for only 6 months with the guy just so she can get out of her house as soon as possible...It turns out her in-laws doesnt like her much and oppose the marriage.....She end up having 2 children as well as gotten beat up by the husband...She filed for a divorce after 8 years of marriage...

Does longer dating is enough to get to know a person?

Ive seen a gentleman loving his daughter very much...taking his wife here and there....but keeps chatting at the internet with who-know-who girls nearly everyday with another women....

Is loyalty not a question for these days?

They say when your in love, everthing seems beautiful and gay....

"I've loved you forever
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart
This is a battle we've won
And with this vow
Forever has now begun..... "

Well...some marriages did gave me a sigh of relief~ ;)

Ive seen parents who treat each other very lovingly and treat thier teen children as friends...They live a happy life from what i see....(I'd like that someday...)

There also husbands that still calls their wife 'Sayang' without feeling ashamed and gives attention when they speak..:) I can see that he's a very attentive husband and father....I respect them so much....

Not to forget of the wives that work hard for her family everyday in the office and still manage to go back home and making her children attached to her....

I know every person is different...

They change for various reasons...

But what makes it different is the purpose and the cause...

Like they always say, it takes two to tango...

If there's no contact, no communication, no understanding...

If you only think about yourself , doing whatever you think is right without thinking how it affects your loved one....

If you cant sacrifice, why move on?

"I'm looking back on things I've done
I never wanna play the same old part
Keep you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart"

All i can say right now;

Cherish what you have right now...

Take what you need instead of what you want because you only need 90% of what you need than 10% what to want...

Dont espect too much because nobodys perfect,try to talk heart to heart and find a solution...

Always have the blessings of your parents...its a powerful tool for a long lasting relationship...

Always pray to God for guidance...because you'll never know what the future holds....

Even of what I wrote, I still planned to get married... :) We'll never know our chances and what will happen but we'll never know what adventure it'll bring...if it doesnt end well, its still not the end of the world for God is always with you whenever you go...

"Coz I believe that destiny
Is out of our control
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul. "

" In sickness and health,

For better or worst...

I do..."

Deepika Padukone

huhuhu~

i really really like her~~

she's soooo~~ pretty and talented...

her first film was such a huge success (Om Shanti Om)...and I'm proud of her....

she's still young and well...she has a long way to go~

gud luck Deepika!!!!

turn back time

what will i do if i could turn back time?

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

NOTHING!!!!!

in fact turning back time is just a waste of time...

there wont be somthing new...

seronok tgk dia bahagia..sigh~

*

hit and run

feel sick

dizzy2~

i'll be there

You and I must make a pact
We must bring salvation back
Where there is love, I'll be there

I'll reach out my hand to you,
I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I'll be there

-The Jackson 5-

Listening to this song really soothes me right now...I dunno why my feelings sucks right now...just needed to talk ...huhuhu~

Can i do the things i want without hurting others?

Can i think of my feelings first without worrying about others?

Can i be the person you want me to be?

I dunno myself lately...Its like sumone inside me wants desperately to get out...i cant do what i want...i cant reach what i need....oh God, i only have You......

Some people are just bitches and bastards....

Those you can see acting cool and mature...

or those you can see acting so insecure and immature....

Cant they just mind their own business?

You had yours leave mine alone...

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Shouldnt you be happy for what you did?

I remembered black skies
The lightning all around me
I remembered each flash
As time began to blur
Like a startling sign
That fate had finally found me

And your voice was all I heard
That I get what I deserve

when you practically didnt do anything?

how well do you know me?

I've been making plans lately....I hope i have enough streangth...just need to calculate more...need to keep my head together...need to love myself more....need to breath...

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I say it louder, I love how it sounds
'Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

you cant stop me from being free ;)

10th 10th?

LOL!!

i wish i could scream my heart out...ahahahahaha~

it happen so fast she trippled and fell...

words can slip easily when your emotionally unstable...

you say what you want to say...

thanks for the note!!!!!!

hahahahaha~

now i know...

i can choose to keep it or let it go..

but right now...

its hanging by a moment....

Selamat2 LOL!!!

so far so good~~~

aaaa~

i dont want to but i have too...

nooooo~~~~

Me and my heart~~

Love is in the air~~

Aaaaa~~~

I miss him so much!!!

im so proud!

weee~

It comes and goes

Raya....

Some may get the thrill

Some even have it as the best day in their life...

Me?

Well..its depends actually....

Right now im just killing time since my parents will be away for Kelantan from tomorrow to Saturday...and Im stuck with my sister till then....sigh~

For my first day of Raya, I went to visit my 'old' boyfriend...and he's still sweet after all these years...:)

My 'old' boyfriend and me...:)

hehehe~ this gentleman was once my neighbour when i lived in Putrajaya...i first noticed him when he walks around my house with his granchildren wearing Nike shoes...haha! never thought someone with his age got style....

anyway, we met at Raya, just getting to know neighbours and well...me and my sis was shocked that he and his wife spoke fluent English...the one you used to hear among the white people...and it turns out that they were both was once teachers then lecturers....that night, i respected them so much i wished they were my parents! haha~

around form 3, we started dating around the evenings at my buaian bulat after i took Haziq for his walk...we'll talk about anything that came to mind..sometimes, his stories are so absurd that i cant tell which is true or if he was just bluffing....saba je la~

some of the memories that i had with him is that, after we had our talk, i'll escort him to his house...so then we'll take baby steps since i thought that he cant walk to fast....but one day, as usual we went a bit late so i asked him... " nenek xmarah ke atuk slalu balik lambat?" and he simply ignored my question and kept walking baby steps....suddenly, we heard the azan....and he walked so fast I had to catch up with his pace.... err...did I mention he has to walk with his cane?....from that day i know that he isnt as fargile as he looks...sabo je la lagi~

he also told me stories about back in the days, every morning his wife would arrange his clothes accordingly before he goes to work..but one day, she was busy or forgot that he had to take care of his attire to himself...later, he found out that he felt 'chilly' rather than usual...cant guess? then your still young to understand...:P

but most of all, these statements was imprinted in my mind untill today;

" one day... I want to see you graduate.... "

" i want to thank you for what you did to me....you dont know how much of what you did means to me...thank you...."

he never knew that his presence had already made a big impact in my life...i really loved his company as much...it really means a lot to me when he said it...because that was the first time i felt appreciated and special...:)

i really hope he can see me graduate...and i hope so too...even if i may not be a top scorer as some...but at least i knew im an honest student whose been doing most of my work by myself and not giving in to chances to make my decision...i know my brain is not as well as i was before...since it saddens me that my previous friends still finds me 'intelligent'...because at UTP i can honestly say i feel stupid....but i dont mind that at all...

me and my mom agree that life cant always be fair...and we cant always be on top...sometimes we have to feel below our range so that we can experince how others people feel....

its the effort that always count...

you may never know how little a small effort might bring a big success in the future....

a few years of hardship in studies is better than having decades of hardship of work...

whenever you meet these old citizens...dont ever ignore their advice...always listen because you'll never know how much its worth....jangan sesekali sombong.....

i really never regret spending my time with him...:)

Whats my dream?

Okay..here are the list of things that i dream about...its not based on priority,just spontaneously;

1. Travel around the world

Yup, I always wanted travel...if not the whole world but its better than being stuck up in one country right? I always loved to travel....theres a whole thrill in it....i love thrills too...like riding a fast and furious rollercoster or sumting..haha! but travelling is more than an thrill, you have to know how to talk,act and where to do...its not enough by just being a tourist if you dont learn sumting other than you mother country, but well...you get the most fun when people respect you for respecting them...but this dream is still a dream...cause ive still havent have a trip around Malaysia yet...sigh~

2. Have a big comfotable house

Who doesnt want a big house? i dont...i said a big comfortable house....which means;

- my family : loving husband and lovely children...hope i'll be worth the wife and mother

- security : okay, this doenst mean i have the 'pak gad' ...nope..juz a safe neighbourhood is all that counts

- a huge kitchen : because i really really wanted to experiment on my cooking...i always had great ideas that are wasted...

-good furniture: good doesnt means expensive...just affordable and nice....

-have a lawn: this is really important for family gathering or so that i'm sure my children are safe playing among themselves...

well...this big comfortable house have to wait...i need to work,hard! to reach this type of goal...i would settle for a cozy apartment if it would be just my husband and me, but not when i have children....i get the feeling my children will be hyperactive..just like me :P


3. A loving mother

I dunno why, but everytime i look at babies...i had this sort of sensitive feeling coming....im so attuned at it that somehow i end up staring at the baby...(shish!!)....but its a good feeling you know...at least at those time i know i have a heart....i know by time that i maybe have to be stern and nag but we'll see how things go....i want to treat my children the way i never had in my life....so that i know,i not rolling the same cycle again....

at first i wanted 8 children...crazy huh? well..that was before i know how to calculate and what price for a house+car+ education etc cost up too...so i'll just settle with what i have....if im destined to have 2 okay,3,4 or so....it all depends on the income...


4. A big kitchen

yess....i know ive mention it before..hehe~ the thing is....i loved to cook!!! nobody know this except you!!! hahahahaha!!! but then i never had the chance to show my skills...(as if i had any)...the thing is...my desire for cooking is so huge but its been surpressed for many2 years....i never wanted to cook when their sumone around poking their face and making faces about how im doing it...wats the matter if i did it my way anyway???? and never liked to cook with such limited working space and working equipment....its so frustrating....when your so ready to do a good job...then suddenly, oh! this kitchen doesnt have...bla3~

so my dream kitchen is to have loads of stuff for cooking...not just the basics of rice cooker,microwave,refrigerator, kettle....added with those things we used to cook for cakes and things...a really large food cupboard....a really large frige maybe.....huhuhu...like i said before...depends on my income.....


huhuhu...thats up for know...too tired to type away~

hate it!

i hate it when they look down on me when i did a mistake...

they always want perfection

they always want me to obey without question

they never gave me my rights

they never consider my feelings

i hate it when they espect me to as told

they patronize me as much as they can

they intentionally made me guilty so i can say im sorry

they let me down when im sad

they made me feel worse when im sick

i hate them so much

but

i love them too

i know i shouldnt love them too much

now its just too late

it all just a waste

Go back to the beginning

As the bless of the clear blue sky,

Where the light begins to shine...

How you wonder when that you'll have another day....

And bear what needs at bay...

Its as the light becomes dimmer,

As well as a slight pinch or minor blow...

Where the passing of breath,

Seems to slit with pain...

How you wonder will it go away....

As the morning breeze flew by me....

with the breath when I say you name,

As the night whispers to the dark...

For when I longed with an empty heart...

Will you be there?

Will you be there?

Time of in the beginning,

Where the sweetness of innocence and youth have yet to bear,

and shall its passing have brought sorrow and solemn a snear...

Even if it seems to dwell with maturity...

Take me there....

Take me there....

As I smell the first fresh air,

As I see the first light,

As I take what I cant bear,

As I imagine the sight of your beauty within my last share,

Would you be there?

As I hear the crickets sing,

As I hear the silent screams,

The solitary life of the isolation,

The tears I tried to held,

As I clutch my memories with you,

The whispers of the past that haunts,

For the whispers I hope you'll here,

Come back to me....

Come back to me....

I'm a cat lover

I really do LOVE my cats!!!

AAaAaAa~~

I cant stand their cuteness! Kawaii~~~~

I cant stand their manjaness... Kawaii~~~

I cant stand their naughtiness~~~ Kawaii~~~

I can hit them and hug them at the same day..even if they are annoyed by it...they still LOVE me....(sape lg nk bg mkn kan?~~~)

Even right now, my adopted cat is massaging me...

So kawaii~~~~

I'll tell you one thing, if you took care of your cat very royally...they award you by being totally loyal n loving....Sigh~~~

I dont know where it started,but I really cant stand it when my cats look me in the eyes...and gave me that BIG SAD eyes whenever I scold them or forgot to feed them....

Sorry my babies~~~

maybe tooking care of cats provoke my motherly love or im just too motherly i had cats as my babies...

Sigh...pity....

Hahaha...

Anway,today i just gave them a bath with floral essence...

So wangi~~~

Ramadhan....

Tomorrow is Ramadhan...

Im worried sick right now because my heart is so cold n jaded...

It feels really empty right now...

As if i dunno how to feel again....

I cried again today...

And yesterday..and the day before.....

I cant seem to grasp what wrong with me....

Whenever I tried to make things better...

It ends up worse....

All I know right now....

Im so tired....

Tired of all the effort....

Tired of all the love....

As it all seems a waste.....

Left unnoticed without a glance....

I know I cant falter when hope is still there...

But I know I have my limits too...

And I know I'm too tired to move on right now...

I'm tired of all the never ending effort to try make things better....

And I know I cant leave it alone....

Its easier said than done...

Some of you can do it in a blink of an eye...

Some people like me...We're slow and unstable...

I'm too scared to go back....

I'm more afraid too move forward...

It was easier at first because I just knew it was the right thing

And it was also the thing I wanted most...

But we never know the future dont we?

For Human makes mistakes...

And I'm one too...

-Happy Ramadhan everyone...have faith!-

I dunno why...

When everything starts to slip away...

Would you know you'll be okay?

People will ask what you did....

But never why you did it.....

When your head and your heart speak at the same time...

Which will you listen too?

When people all around you starts wearing mask's...

Why shouldnt you too?

People will make assumptions...

But never figure out the truth...

People will think highly of themselves..

Without realizing what damage it did too...

People want to forget...

As much as they want to remember...

When you live a different life,

How do you espect will follow your footsteps?

why?

new dressing

horror kn?

huhuhuhu...

hati-hati dijalan raya~

Maybe one of the most memoriable day...

Today..I had an accident....

The experience was painful....

And yet I'm glad I was lucky and it wasnt worst...

It really made me realized a thing or two...never occured to me i was wrong

Everyone please take care....you may never know...

ADIDAS!!!

Today....Nope! Diz week..would be da one of the best week...

Why? Because sayang die sgt2~

I'm glad I have him...he made me realize sumting....and when I meet him,I'll tell him..huhuhu~

Today,

I was treated with free breakfast and lunch!!!!!

It was superb!!!!

hahaha....

and wat added more was that Miss Lim,my ofis mate,treated me an original ADIDAS shirt....

I nearly cried....but she insisted...saying it would be nice for a souvenir...sigh~~~

i cant stand kindness....nearly breaks my heart to think i cant ever repay them...

but all i can say is, I'm glad they are who they are....

how bout you?

I want

Sorry yowls..i forgot to change the private thang....sorry for my late update....my interest in blogging had been soured by the likes of people who made him think otherwise...i did it because i love him not because i'm scared for the likes of you....


Since its been nearly two months for my internship..surprisingly everything went well and OK....except that I always stammer and get petrified whenever my big boss asked me questions...i taught i know what i said but the way he questioned me back..whew!!!! saje je nk test confidence..:P

Its been a week and I'm still feeling dreadful and impatient....it hurts me when i think about it and i always try to forget about it....which is my firts time of doing so...

All i know now is...

today,i want to share what i want...i think the influence came from my working environment, :P ..

well,here goes~

1.I want my boyfren...
2.I want to be a good mother
3.I want to be a good fren
4.I want to be a good daughter
5.I want people to listen
6.I want people to care
7.I want to forgive them
8.I want to have kids!!!
9.I want to have a husband
10.I want a comfortable house with all the necessary that i wanted
11.I want to breath
12.I want babies
13.I want a great job
14.I want to do business
15.I want to run
16.I want to see her
17.I want my boyfren ;(
18.I want to face it
19.I want this feeling to go on
20.I want those busy bodies to mind their own business
21.I want those who already have their boyfrens to stop being pathetic at others boyfren just because 'he's your best fren'...yeah...cheap...
22.I want to slap her
23.I want to shout at her
24.I want her to see the pain she caused
25.I want to live happily
26.I want my oldself back
27.I want to go out
28.I want my frens
29.I want judgement
30.I want fairness
31.I want him
32.I want peace
33.I want to stop having sleepless nights
34.I want a hug
35.I want to cry ;(

hahahaha..so many things that i wanted...but i think i'll go over the list to see what i have to do first to achieve it....sorting it first by priority...lalalala~

cant stop missing him...sigh~

what about love?

Love is strong yet delicate.

It can be broken.

To truly love is to understand this.

To be in love is to respect this.

- Stephen Packer -

The Magic Of Love

Love is like magic

And it always will be.

For love still remains

Life's sweet mystery!!

Love works in ways

That are wondrous and strange

And there's nothing in life

That love cannot change!!

Love can transform

The most commonplace

Into beauty and splendor

And sweetness and grace.

Love is unselfish,

Understanding and kind,

For it sees with its heart

And not with its mind!!

Love is the answer

That everyone seeks...

Love is the language,

That every heart speaks.

Love can't be bought,

It is priceless and free,

Love, like pure magic,

Is life's sweet mystery!!

- Helen Steiner Rice -

When you love someone,all your saved-up wishes start coming out.- Elizabeth Bowen -

Love is not blind - It sees more and not less,but because it sees more it is willing to see less.

- Will Moss -

To the world you may be one person,but to one person you may be the world.

- Bill Wilson -

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Love...

is like a tree,

It needs water and sunshine to make it grow,

As it grows stronger and tall,

It would shade the world.

But once you leave it to thirst and dry,

It will someday eventually die...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

relief

I'm grateful that it all turn okay~

Alhamdullilah...

Everybody Counts

Here I am,within the darkness of 'my room' (like I'll have one)and doing what i miss the most.....since the past month i fail tosleep soundly at night and waking up feeling exhausted the next day.....sumhow I feel this habit wont go....its seems so long since the last insomnia....and now its here again.....

some say,its due to my restlessness...some say it has to dowith something in my mind...hahaha....believe me,if i knew which of what I was thinking....id probably sleep like a baby right now...

it juz breaks my heart thinking about it...and i cant stand it anymore....all i know right now,is i dont want to be here...its only been a month and it juz kept coming n coming with fierce force....and im too damaged than before to fight a battle....

no...im not me anymore....when the thing that keeps you strong have taken been taken away from you..you cant help but feel fragile everyday....you look around and gave out your best smile....but even that masks seems too frail....

if i only i knew what to do....i wont be lost right now...

wont you save me? becouse saving is what need....i just want to be....by your
side...

My life in hectic...

I pray to Allah..please give me guidance...for You is all I have right now...

Today maybe the most depressing day in my life...

With my month juz came by,the pressure seems hard too take...

I never knew I could be this depress....but I know I'll survive...

Have you ever wonder yourself about trust? Have you ever asked yourself who you must trust? despite all the accuzation and confession? I'm in a situation right now that requires trust....Some people might not realize the importance of trust due to selfishness or naivity....

Trust is somthing you have to cherish your life with...to me,its like a thin crystal ball....specificly named after each person in your life....one day or two you might lie or create another story or two to save yourself from me....but this might juz put a scar on the crystal....but then,intentionally or not,when youve put it to a limit....a scar here and there might juz crack a crystal and by time will fall into pieces....ironic huh?

When trust is played around the person you love....you tried so hard not to leave a scar or two...regardless of what they say to you....at maybe some point,you feel as if they dont care anymore...with no words to tell and less action to show....how do you put a person to blindly trust what you convey? its you who dealt with all the work so that precious crystal ball wont break....
into pieces....

Honestly...Im dissapointed because all that hard work seem to go to waste....because with no realization comes no appreciation....as hard as you wanted it to work out...too much have too be given away ..and you know you wont have anything you wanted back...eventough you have waited for it for a long time....you cant seem to let it go even if they hurted you so bad...all that sacrifice seems a waste...

Hope can get you far...
But it can also bring a lot of pain....

Smile even when it hurts...

yeah...

after 3 weeks..i finally have access to the internet...

updates bout me?

1.tenet sux
2.cant sleep for 3 weeks....kept waking up at in the early morning...dont know why...
3.miss him so much
4.dark circles are emerging
5.hate myself lately
6.miss him so much
7.depress

well that all that importang right now....

sometimes you juz wonder what happen to free will and being spontaneous....hate being ordered around and following peoples orders....

hate it when people take you independentcy for granted....were human too you know?...

ada tp mcm xde...

There and back again

Thus, I'm home for 8 month due to my internship...

Its been a hectic semester and i hope my results are better diz semester...

My cats are fat n so pampered...i think ill spoil them even more...

More updates about me but not now since im tired....

Have faith...

miss him already~

Love me when I'm gone

The truth~

people always tend to find faults of others in terms of 'telling the truth'...

they go to great length just so that they can 'tell the truth' about others...

how pathetic ...

today,it was my first outbreak at home..i never ever had that kind of outburst..but man,was i mad? very!!!! stupid tol...menyampah lg ade...but i dont care now....when ur 12 yet you dont know how to wash the dishes! it really pisses me off!!!! hellow? getting good grade in exams doesnt mean you have the luxury to ignore your daily chores..duuuhhhh!!!!!

well..enough about me...ive been tending to do this post since i dont know when considering the STUPID NTERNET CONNECTION....i forget literlly..

enough of this,

the question to one self?

Are you really truthful to yourself?
Have you gone to great length just top prove that you can live in hardship and still reamins the same person you are meant to be?

Figures now...

There were many people that i have met this pass years of my life,yes...ive met various kind of people..ive seen them,met them, read about them...may it be man or woman...it varies...

Some people,they take huge risks..overcome boundaries...these people went and meet various people...done many things in their life...they lived their life....as much as i dont agree with them in certain aspect...i really respect them...yes,they lack certain things..they may not be the most pious person you ever met...they maybe not the smartest you met....but i respect them,because...as much of who i am to them....they still held me as friends...no hard feelings taken...no grudges....

Some people,they rather stay in the back..live among books...stay in a room...mix up with the same people everyday...their safe zone...not intruded nor interfered....i respect them though...because they could do what i cant..and they are really safe people to be with..:)...but sometimes,they an be unexpected...ive met a person,who is so famous for being pious,who turns out to be actively SMSing girls...wohohoho..im not accusing..im one of them..i should know...

Some people,they act both of the above...but still remains true to themselves...i respect these persons very much.....they truyly true...

What i think now is that,

Could you really know your real strengh is you havent took any risk?
Could you realy be the very person you are after taking those risk?

What i do know is;

Once youve done bad,its hard to be good again...if you think your not strong enough or up for it...dont ever think of doing it...let alone start it...

People will remember you being bad more than you being good...it the truth about people these days...

People will just judge you once youve done bad...i mean it...once...dats all it takes...

Maybe it the way of life now...and for me..no wonder some people had a hard time to change...people just kept on judging and judging from what they see...rather than sit beside them and ask them the real true story....mind over matter plz...but then...people these days are much more selfish than they should be...maybe becoz of the weather?politics?issues right now? i dunno...it seems that way now...that people just want to know eveything dunt dont really care about it....

im not a person to accuse...

because ive been that person too...

regretted it tho...

guilty..

i really miss him..;(

It been a long long time~

ARGH!

STUPID INTERNET CONNECTION!

I know...i know...its been a month from my last post and here I am making it up to you...sigh~...

a lot have been missed and i dont know where to start right now,argh!

stupid internet connection...

so Im taking this huge oppurtunity this mis semester to update of what ive been doing and what happened...

Sigh~

well,lets not dilly dally~

Firstly,

Ive turn 21 years old! haha! mari mengundi,mari3~ hahahahaha....yeah,that thrill huh? but a new feeling came this birthday...i dunno what but well....i felt a surge of Relief.....i think it maybe its because I really waited for this moment....

"Congratulations! Your a free woman now" -My Mother

Yeah,technically Im free....finally! sigh~ she maybe wrong about the woman part though..hahaha! I really dunno if i have the real strangh to do what i intended to do....it happens doenst it? when you desperately wanted something in you life so that you can achieve your goal...but when it does happened? where did all the spirit go?was it really just talk?.....from my part,it should be at the right place and the right time,with additional of the right mood...I really hope that someday will happen and it will happen smoothly.....Amin......

I guess it happens in life..when people misunderstood what we do and think have better judgement on it....hey,who are you kidding? did you really know a person so well you can just simply accuse them? its bad enough u accuse them but it didnt seem enough right? you just had to tell others....

Im not that plastic though..people talk..thats a fact ive known for so long,that i simply dont care

right now....and why should i? theres lot of hearts to care and surely youll only care for those who really cares for you...fullstop..

Seeing the people around me,id say that its a pity when at some point you became a celebrity,suddenly your the center of attention,then puff! it went juz like that....yeah...what makes it more pitier......they juz want to know the story....and dont even bother to care....i guess i doesnt make it easier when you have to face them everyday and dont know what to do about it.....

It sad even...when you do really care but you dont know what to do....in the end..you just have to let it go...

i guess some things are juz meant to be that way....

somethings we can handle,some we cant...

sometimes we can deal with it,sometimes we cant let it go....

we all have our own prespective....we cant just judge people of what they did in the past if in the future they did get better...

all of us are trying to be better the best we can....whats so bad in helping?

enough for today...

i rest my case....

Photograph

For all the things that happened in my life,this Chinese New Year was one of the best...

Finally,Ive come back here,my hometown...my birth place..my home...

I was so happy....

And I was so sad that I had to go...

It felt so soon....

I didnt had the chance to take pictures...

All I have now are memories....

I wish it wasnt that hard...

But then,I could only wish....

I miss them very very very much....

But theres nothing I could do about it...

Because only time can tell....

And I'm not that strong as I used to be....

-Thank you Sayang-

and thus the days goes by....

wahahaha~

as of sorts i missed my first class today...unintentionally...(yeah rite~)..

right now I'm in the IRC..while waiting for the next class....

tonite I'll be at Batu Pahat...yahoo~~

cant wait! cant wait! cant wait!

life in UTP is becoming more hectic...and i always missing him...(why duh~~~)

lately,I'm quite annoyed,some people just cant let it go...saying this and that behind my back...as if its not obvious already....i mean....whats the big deal if i wear baju kurung today? or just a simple shirt to go to class instead of the usual black t-shirt? ...maybe it was a compliment...or maybe its not...but seriously I'm rather annoyed coz well...the 'tone' was not sincere...heh...

it bothers me tough that some people just cant move on and live in the past...keep on dreaming girl coz nothing is going to change the way you think unless you want it to be...i mean..whats the purpose on seeking long lost friends juz because you feel dumped by the new ones when you eventually dumped your long lost friend in the first place? or how about this theory....you make a fault,then suddenly you apologize and what to 'keep it cool'...but then your still doing the same shit all over again...what's the good news? you tell it all to your dear best friend..haha! good for you...me?i hope someday it'll come back at you 10 times worst....

i mean..i dont get it when people talk behind my back..saying this and that...and all sorts...and you even dared to go to him for 'advice'..how i wonder where your bestfriend is atthat time...it all lame excuses....and so what if i got loads of friends? be it male or female...friends are just friends..berkawan biar seribu..bercinta biar satu....Ive met a lot of persons in this world...in various places in Malaysia...and i cant believe of all the places...UTP is the place where I met the best and worst people Ive ever known....

i think people these days are just lack in thinking forward thus results in the term 'not moving forward'..... always literally finding faults and sorts...you can remember the past as a caution for the future...but not moving on is totally different....you'll just embarassing yourself by being totally pathetic...

and i always wonder...why is it some certain people cant be more mature?the way you think and act,they are just not the same...you dont have to wear clothes or act mature if you know how to accept the facts of life....some peo;le just dont get it...they just gossip around without thinking and making assumptions like a teenager from school...duh~

well...this and that and my time has come to go to my next class...

live you life....

2 months...and over....

At last...after having 2 months of despair...i finally get to see him~

huhuhu...cant really tell how much i missed him..huhuhuhuhu~

well...my first day here in UTP sucks!!!!!

if ive known better...i'd rather stay in bed the whole day instead of hurrying to class with high spirits...demmit~~~

yesterday when i got back..whew~ quite a day....been unpacking my stuff and hohohoho....it was so much!!!!!!!

it was so much that i thought of collapsing between 5 boxes....hate packing and unpacking..huh!!!!

but then sime of my friends changed...some got thinner,some got 'healthier'....some happier...and some just sumhow got friendlier....duhhh.......doesnt impress me tho..wawawa~

then again,i got to know myself better lately...maybe at some rate you just cant resist after wishing it to happen and finally got the chance...huhu...it was a new experience and well....im glad it happened....

so...right now i dont have much to say coz im running late to meet Sayang...haha...

keep up and about..

toodles~

How to hate yourself

i really hate myself right now...
its all my fault...
i wish i know what was wrong....
i wish i know what to do....
i wish it wouldnt hurt them that much....
i wish i could tell them...

i'm really sorry....

The Newest Member of The Family..

And now live from me...our newest member og the family..

Mr.Labu...













hahaha~


well...from this picture he looks kinda small...but right noe he's fat n naughty..you can kick or pincth him all you want and he wont mind cause he'll do you 3 times worse....

this fuzzy furball does not consider himself a cat..or so i think...every now and then he'll attepmt to 'attack' me,or my siblings...even pitiful Do....to play...hahaha...

well...sometimes if we ignore him.he'll just play by himself and well..its hard to tell when he's bored...hahaha~


here's a few pic for ur entertainment;




























well....as you can see...diz noty kitty is just at about a month....so he's very very active and well...hungry....right now..he's sleeping on my bed...as usual....after following me around the house while i did my chores..hahaha~ he's such a good companion..i wish to bring him to UTP....uhuhuuk~



but then..to keep this baby,we have to send our other cats away...

Re,Mi,Mek and Uteh is not around anymore coz we gt a message from the front neighbour...(duk depan rumah pun nak mesej2 ker!!!!!) to keep the rukun tetangga and what so everla her nagging was about...but my,for sumone so 'frinedly' and 'full-of-laughter' she really showed her true self dat day...and the respect from me to her? Nada~ even her daughter is snobbish? what da hell? how come a doctor aged 25 or sumtin have dat kind of attitude? duhh~

well...thats that for now..ayah's home...

.toodles!