why?

Its been the third week of the semester,and I'm still here..in this place I'd so much call home...lots of things I've been coping up the past month..and as I walk myself to do the usual...I realize that..every now and then,I'm losing it....

Listening to my favourite songs dont cut it,jogging didnt cut it,laughing with my friends patch it up a little...but still...it's still there..the feeling of lost...

It's a mere fact,I'm not being myself lately,people usually see me as the happy-go-lucky-that-doesnt-seem-to-have-a-problem-in-the-world nana...but the mask that Ive been wearing seems to peel itself from me...I sincerely admit,I'm losing myself...

I don't know what was the cause,but eventually it started this year...maybe around February i think that my will and courage had seem to go off...it's like a part of me has gone somewhere that I dont know,or maybe I can't reach...

Friends say,dont thnk about it...but then,that's easier said than done...You see,I dont forget easily...It's a blessing and a curse...I can't forget certain events in my life that require forgetting...but then;by remembering,it reminds me to be careful next time..but if I remember it,it makes it hard to forgive...

It seems like distant memorise kept coming and going...I keep having headaches...and I cry for a reason that I dont know of...quite immature to some maybe but then its a pain that I'm going trough and I dont expect people to understand it...

And Allah wont test you with a burden you cant bear - Al-Quran

I know,everything happens for a reason,and I know its a burden I have to bear...maybe the answers will come out someday...maybe I deserve this punishment...All I have to do is swollow the medicine for a better tomorrow....

At a certain point,Ive reached my limit,but then,God bless..I never cross the line of rationality...and I'm grateful enough to have friends that are there for me...I thank all of you for being there for me when I needed you the most...

Today,the first time in my life...I felt lonely in a crowded room..everyone seems to be talking..me?I dunno...I love and hate my loneliness...It's like an addiction...it's been my friend for so long...but I know someday I have to let it go...

Some people want to talk me into something,for some reason I dont want to listen...I dont know why...but a simple line can make you laugh or cry...and I'm tired of crying..

You wear a mask for too long,you forget who you really were underneath it...

Somebody save me from myself...

Look at the skies...

Never break 4 things in your life;Trust,Promise,Relation and Heart because when they break,they don't make a sound,but it hurts a lot....

It's been awhile and many things had happen in my life...there was so much to think about and do that I havent had the time to write any blog....But now,after a two weeks of staying in UTP...a certain thougt had came up and here I am sharing it....

Have you ever had your heart broken?The pain it gives you will remain as long as you can take it...I realise my heart was broken just recently when I noticed how jaded I am at certain events and how sensitive I am at another...

It's a lie when I tell you it doesnt hurt when it does...It's like a pain in the chest when the night gets dark and as the wind blow trough your face...The tears that come out unintentionally when you are left alone or when you want to be alone...it doesnt seem to stop when you want it to be....

It's true I've fallen in love,but I got up again,seeing that it was actually a feeling that doesnt seem to be...Maybe the heart breaks due to that I have been waiting for this feeling for so long,and knowing that it was actually a fake...what more I can say?

But then,on the bright side,I learn that I'm actually not as inconsiderate as some people told me...they tell me I'm not mature and all sorts,but then,who are they to judge?,at least I know now what to do...just keep on moving...

People will remember our mistakes better than our qualities...

Its sad to see that some people just can't forget our mistakes,even if we did say we were sorry...for me,if someone had the courage to say that they are sorry,they are someone that should be respected and deserve to be forgiven...I've met a few people who have these qualities..and I learn from them how to accept others mistakes and try hard enough to forget them....

It not easy to accept a person by their mistakes,I learn this the hard way...because whenever they broke one of the precious items above,theirs nothing you can do or say that can undo it...sometimes saying that your sorry is just not enough...it all depends on how deep the wound was cut...and how much the person responsible acknowledge it and try to make things better...even if the pain is gone,the scar is still there...and scars reminds us that the past is real...

Like people for their qualities,Love them for their difference...

It's easy to like someone when we have the same interest and quality,we get along well...but to love someone who have the qualities we hate...it's hard and special,we need tolerence,patience and even sacrifice...love is all about giving without expecting anything back...

We are all born different than another and no one is perfect,that's why we can't live alone...We need to accept the difference of others as how much they need to accept ours..because you'll never know who your hurting with just a word of speech...or and slight ignorance....accepting another needs time,so take your time but just hope its not too late...because sometimes when we meet someone,it's so we need to learn something from them....time will tell...

As hard as we want something to be,when it doesnt,either it's not the right time or it's not meant to be....

smile even when it hurts...