Me and my heart~~

Love is in the air~~

Aaaaa~~~

I miss him so much!!!

im so proud!

weee~

It comes and goes

Raya....

Some may get the thrill

Some even have it as the best day in their life...

Me?

Well..its depends actually....

Right now im just killing time since my parents will be away for Kelantan from tomorrow to Saturday...and Im stuck with my sister till then....sigh~

For my first day of Raya, I went to visit my 'old' boyfriend...and he's still sweet after all these years...:)

My 'old' boyfriend and me...:)

hehehe~ this gentleman was once my neighbour when i lived in Putrajaya...i first noticed him when he walks around my house with his granchildren wearing Nike shoes...haha! never thought someone with his age got style....

anyway, we met at Raya, just getting to know neighbours and well...me and my sis was shocked that he and his wife spoke fluent English...the one you used to hear among the white people...and it turns out that they were both was once teachers then lecturers....that night, i respected them so much i wished they were my parents! haha~

around form 3, we started dating around the evenings at my buaian bulat after i took Haziq for his walk...we'll talk about anything that came to mind..sometimes, his stories are so absurd that i cant tell which is true or if he was just bluffing....saba je la~

some of the memories that i had with him is that, after we had our talk, i'll escort him to his house...so then we'll take baby steps since i thought that he cant walk to fast....but one day, as usual we went a bit late so i asked him... " nenek xmarah ke atuk slalu balik lambat?" and he simply ignored my question and kept walking baby steps....suddenly, we heard the azan....and he walked so fast I had to catch up with his pace.... err...did I mention he has to walk with his cane?....from that day i know that he isnt as fargile as he looks...sabo je la lagi~

he also told me stories about back in the days, every morning his wife would arrange his clothes accordingly before he goes to work..but one day, she was busy or forgot that he had to take care of his attire to himself...later, he found out that he felt 'chilly' rather than usual...cant guess? then your still young to understand...:P

but most of all, these statements was imprinted in my mind untill today;

" one day... I want to see you graduate.... "

" i want to thank you for what you did to me....you dont know how much of what you did means to me...thank you...."

he never knew that his presence had already made a big impact in my life...i really loved his company as much...it really means a lot to me when he said it...because that was the first time i felt appreciated and special...:)

i really hope he can see me graduate...and i hope so too...even if i may not be a top scorer as some...but at least i knew im an honest student whose been doing most of my work by myself and not giving in to chances to make my decision...i know my brain is not as well as i was before...since it saddens me that my previous friends still finds me 'intelligent'...because at UTP i can honestly say i feel stupid....but i dont mind that at all...

me and my mom agree that life cant always be fair...and we cant always be on top...sometimes we have to feel below our range so that we can experince how others people feel....

its the effort that always count...

you may never know how little a small effort might bring a big success in the future....

a few years of hardship in studies is better than having decades of hardship of work...

whenever you meet these old citizens...dont ever ignore their advice...always listen because you'll never know how much its worth....jangan sesekali sombong.....

i really never regret spending my time with him...:)

Whats my dream?

Okay..here are the list of things that i dream about...its not based on priority,just spontaneously;

1. Travel around the world

Yup, I always wanted travel...if not the whole world but its better than being stuck up in one country right? I always loved to travel....theres a whole thrill in it....i love thrills too...like riding a fast and furious rollercoster or sumting..haha! but travelling is more than an thrill, you have to know how to talk,act and where to do...its not enough by just being a tourist if you dont learn sumting other than you mother country, but well...you get the most fun when people respect you for respecting them...but this dream is still a dream...cause ive still havent have a trip around Malaysia yet...sigh~

2. Have a big comfotable house

Who doesnt want a big house? i dont...i said a big comfortable house....which means;

- my family : loving husband and lovely children...hope i'll be worth the wife and mother

- security : okay, this doenst mean i have the 'pak gad' ...nope..juz a safe neighbourhood is all that counts

- a huge kitchen : because i really really wanted to experiment on my cooking...i always had great ideas that are wasted...

-good furniture: good doesnt means expensive...just affordable and nice....

-have a lawn: this is really important for family gathering or so that i'm sure my children are safe playing among themselves...

well...this big comfortable house have to wait...i need to work,hard! to reach this type of goal...i would settle for a cozy apartment if it would be just my husband and me, but not when i have children....i get the feeling my children will be hyperactive..just like me :P


3. A loving mother

I dunno why, but everytime i look at babies...i had this sort of sensitive feeling coming....im so attuned at it that somehow i end up staring at the baby...(shish!!)....but its a good feeling you know...at least at those time i know i have a heart....i know by time that i maybe have to be stern and nag but we'll see how things go....i want to treat my children the way i never had in my life....so that i know,i not rolling the same cycle again....

at first i wanted 8 children...crazy huh? well..that was before i know how to calculate and what price for a house+car+ education etc cost up too...so i'll just settle with what i have....if im destined to have 2 okay,3,4 or so....it all depends on the income...


4. A big kitchen

yess....i know ive mention it before..hehe~ the thing is....i loved to cook!!! nobody know this except you!!! hahahahaha!!! but then i never had the chance to show my skills...(as if i had any)...the thing is...my desire for cooking is so huge but its been surpressed for many2 years....i never wanted to cook when their sumone around poking their face and making faces about how im doing it...wats the matter if i did it my way anyway???? and never liked to cook with such limited working space and working equipment....its so frustrating....when your so ready to do a good job...then suddenly, oh! this kitchen doesnt have...bla3~

so my dream kitchen is to have loads of stuff for cooking...not just the basics of rice cooker,microwave,refrigerator, kettle....added with those things we used to cook for cakes and things...a really large food cupboard....a really large frige maybe.....huhuhu...like i said before...depends on my income.....


huhuhu...thats up for know...too tired to type away~

hate it!

i hate it when they look down on me when i did a mistake...

they always want perfection

they always want me to obey without question

they never gave me my rights

they never consider my feelings

i hate it when they espect me to as told

they patronize me as much as they can

they intentionally made me guilty so i can say im sorry

they let me down when im sad

they made me feel worse when im sick

i hate them so much

but

i love them too

i know i shouldnt love them too much

now its just too late

it all just a waste