I'm so tired right now....but then...I'm so bored too!!!!
Arghhh!!!!!
And I miss him badly.... ;(
Well...as we all know...a new year is about to come...
2009...
say goodbye to 2008...
so why we do recaps?
Status
Thats right,the most obvious thing and peculiar thing that happened to me was a change in status...which is ' In a Relationship' ...Finally~~ a friend of mine said...haha! but then...it was the most bizarre experience beoz it happened unexpectedly....a few of friends were not satisfied with my decision..worst come to worst...the BUSYBODIES ..dear Allah was only the reason I kept my sanity and let them be...but it seems to me some juz wont understand....wanna make me your new best friend becoz I'm taken? F*** Off...haha! what despises me tho is that they juz wont buzz off and asking questions that they are NOT suppose to ask....even my BEST FRIENDS dont ask those questions...haha!
Resolution: I wont compromise with this immaturity no more....youre messing with the wrong girl...I may look innocent but well...lets juz put that to a test
Friendship
Sadly for this year...lots of ups and downs in friendships that happened thru out te year..I juz dont understand how it happened..its not friendship with me tho..but my other friend with the other...Its so sad when u where shocked to find out your roomate was active in plagarism....and didnt contact you for the the rest of the semester.....(but then,I'll give a kick at the butt for that...haha!)...
All I can say is..all this crisis is due to misunderstancing and lack of what I call quality time with friends...If you feel like everyone is isolating u then its ur problem not theirs...and for u to jus run away from ur problems and ASSUMING people are talking behind ur back....well....the real deal is YOU....juz look into the mirror....ask yourself 'whos the verdict?'..i will assume you wont lie to yourself right?
but then...gud for those who are either on your way to change your status and already have...i wish you all gud luck and all the best....maybe its our prime time than that we reach the age we totally know ourself...I am also grateful that I still have the love and suppport of my dearest friends...thanks a lot guys...your the best...
Resolution:Next year...I'll try to tie up the loose ends...it might be too late..but then..lets not talk behind our backs right?
Studies
I really worked so hard this semester..and Im hoping so much it will turn out right...thank u sayang for your support...and all my friends who helped me so much in my studies....
It really was a tough semester..considering that my scholarship was at the edge...i really had to push myself....and nearly got over the edge too...I'm glad I have him...
Resolution: I want to be better in any cost...i wish to have a gold medal for EDX...wooo~
well....that's dat for now..i dunt want to make a lot of promises to myself if i cant keep it though...
one thing for sure,
always learn from your mistakes...
never take things for granted coz ull never know what will happen..
never forget who you really are....
happy new year...
i welcome thee....
2009~
30.12.08
23.12.08
Everyday I Love Him~
People make mistakes,that's why we're not perfect..if we are,than where's the fun and mystery about it? When mistakes are done,it better to solve it rather than making it worst...I'm glad he insisted on making me talk about it rather than let it be....I don't know but I believe,
That some things are meant to be,
And that you'll make a better me,
Eveyday I love you....
I never taught that dreams came true,
But you showed me that they do,
You know that I learn something new,
Everyday I love you...
Sometimes I taught it was too good to be true...but then I'm grateful just the way he is anyway...And what I love most was well...he simply taught me how to be simple......to sometimes let things go its own way....to just simply forgive and forget...It's hard at first....sometimes I cant eveb accept it...but then...I'm still learning...
Coz I believe that destiny is out of our control,
And you'll never live untill you love with all youre heart and soul....
What I'm sure of when I'm with him,I dont what to take him for granted....even if I feel like he did...its actually not because well....he's so far away and I'm stuck here...so the negative me as always take hold of myself...I'm sorry so much sayang....my bad....:( .....all I know is...I love him so much...I get to know a part of me.....
Its a touch when I feel bad,
Its a smile when I get mad,
All the little things I am,
Everyday I love you...
Seriously,I cant get mad with him long enough...it takes about one night...or even one day....coz at the end of the day..what really matters is what you feel for the person..and was it worth to hurt them if they unintentionally hurt you?....the best way is always just to talk about it....even if the truth hurts...its better than living a lie....
If I asked would you say yes?
Together we're the very best,
You know that I am truly blessed,
Everyday I love you...
And I'll give you my best..
Everyday I love you...
Im so grateful that I have him....
Miss him so very much....
17.12.08
kittty kats
He's so cute~~~~
There's a cute kitten we founded yesterday...hohohoho...he's so cute with his long fuzzy hair and blue eyes with white socks...haha! So now me and kakak where thinking,should we keep him and throw away the other cats or throw away him? huhuhuhu..hope he can stay though...hehehe~ He kissed me at the cheek..cute~~~
But well...my blog here today is not about this fuzzy furball who's exploring myroom right now and looking at me with those puppy dog eyes..(errr...or i can say kitty cat eyes?)..haha! but i would like to introduce some of my family members in the house who might be thrown away~~
Let start with this one here;
This one here is Do....the most affectionate male cat youll ever see....the posibbility for him to be thrown away? maybe none becaue the fact that he's male and dont pancut2 around the house....well,to be more precise,he DOESNT KNOW HOW..haahaha! He's a loving brother,uncle and son alright....smelling and licking the others butt...He's also the nosiest...and the most well behaved because he doesnt litter anywhere except in the litter box...all i can say is that he is a very pondan cat...hahaha!
ok..next~~~
this is Re....She's the youngest in the family chain...her mother died when ayah accidently hit her with the car and well...she adapts well...this blue eyed gal is very close to Do..following him everywhere around the house...if shes not around him,Do will eventually look for her...so devoted...sigh~~~~ (a fuzzy furball is clawing my feet..aiyaa..distraction......)....what i dont like about Re is that she evntually litters EVERYWHERE..not that i always help on the littering stuff but then,poor Madiha..haha!Pity the gud quality of Do is not being practised...sigh~~~
ok...next~~
this is Mi...the half sister of Do...the most and foremost jijiks of all of them...she has HINGUS...OMG~~~ and she affected Re and Uteh...this one here is quite adventurous...and has a weird habit of biting peoples toes for affection....it hurts!!! haha....but one thing bout her that makes her special is that she have a sort-of-green-and-yellow eyes...and...she has the most possibility be thrown away due of her sickness..bubye Mi...youll survive the Pasar Tani...
and the next one is...
this is my favourite Puteh a.k.a Uteh...the most retard of them all...she have problems with her back legs..with that,she cant walk or climb or run very well....when i say retard,i mean retard...she follows everyones steps and well,she doesnt care much if your a stranger...with her cute blue eyes...she looks so cute when she woke up from her sleep...blinking and adjusting the light with her wobbly structure..hahaha!(the fuzzy furball bumped his head?hahahaha~)but then,im not sure if she has the possibility to be thrown away...its a pity...she cant take care of herself much...tsk3~~
and save the best for last..tada!!!!
this is the oldest most feracious of all...Mek...you NEVER EVER MESS with Mek...she have talon like claws that youll likely watch then learn the meaning of pain...haha...this female cat here is sooooo gatal...she calls and looks for males....perigi mencari timba betul....and she has this ability to look at you,stare at you...untill you feel guitly...she is very territorial...if any cat,i mean any..was found around the house...beware~~~~...maybe thats why Do is pondan....but then...Mek is really a loving mother and grandmother...even now she lets them suck ke nippies....haha...she has a great possibility to be thrown away due to that she is sexually active...poor Mek..padan muka gatal sangat...
well...thats that...having cats for family is well...interesting..youll never know mischief they'll get u into....
cat lover me...
miss him so very much....
just thinking bout him makes me wanna cry~~~
*SIGH*
There's a cute kitten we founded yesterday...hohohoho...he's so cute with his long fuzzy hair and blue eyes with white socks...haha! So now me and kakak where thinking,should we keep him and throw away the other cats or throw away him? huhuhuhu..hope he can stay though...hehehe~ He kissed me at the cheek..cute~~~
But well...my blog here today is not about this fuzzy furball who's exploring myroom right now and looking at me with those puppy dog eyes..(errr...or i can say kitty cat eyes?)..haha! but i would like to introduce some of my family members in the house who might be thrown away~~
Let start with this one here;
This one here is Do....the most affectionate male cat youll ever see....the posibbility for him to be thrown away? maybe none becaue the fact that he's male and dont pancut2 around the house....well,to be more precise,he DOESNT KNOW HOW..haahaha! He's a loving brother,uncle and son alright....smelling and licking the others butt...He's also the nosiest...and the most well behaved because he doesnt litter anywhere except in the litter box...all i can say is that he is a very pondan cat...hahaha!
ok..next~~~
this is Re....She's the youngest in the family chain...her mother died when ayah accidently hit her with the car and well...she adapts well...this blue eyed gal is very close to Do..following him everywhere around the house...if shes not around him,Do will eventually look for her...so devoted...sigh~~~~ (a fuzzy furball is clawing my feet..aiyaa..distraction......)....what i dont like about Re is that she evntually litters EVERYWHERE..not that i always help on the littering stuff but then,poor Madiha..haha!Pity the gud quality of Do is not being practised...sigh~~~
ok...next~~
this is Mi...the half sister of Do...the most and foremost jijiks of all of them...she has HINGUS...OMG~~~ and she affected Re and Uteh...this one here is quite adventurous...and has a weird habit of biting peoples toes for affection....it hurts!!! haha....but one thing bout her that makes her special is that she have a sort-of-green-and-yellow eyes...and...she has the most possibility be thrown away due of her sickness..bubye Mi...youll survive the Pasar Tani...
and the next one is...
this is my favourite Puteh a.k.a Uteh...the most retard of them all...she have problems with her back legs..with that,she cant walk or climb or run very well....when i say retard,i mean retard...she follows everyones steps and well,she doesnt care much if your a stranger...with her cute blue eyes...she looks so cute when she woke up from her sleep...blinking and adjusting the light with her wobbly structure..hahaha!(the fuzzy furball bumped his head?hahahaha~)but then,im not sure if she has the possibility to be thrown away...its a pity...she cant take care of herself much...tsk3~~
and save the best for last..tada!!!!
this is the oldest most feracious of all...Mek...you NEVER EVER MESS with Mek...she have talon like claws that youll likely watch then learn the meaning of pain...haha...this female cat here is sooooo gatal...she calls and looks for males....perigi mencari timba betul....and she has this ability to look at you,stare at you...untill you feel guitly...she is very territorial...if any cat,i mean any..was found around the house...beware~~~~...maybe thats why Do is pondan....but then...Mek is really a loving mother and grandmother...even now she lets them suck ke nippies....haha...she has a great possibility to be thrown away due to that she is sexually active...poor Mek..padan muka gatal sangat...
well...thats that...having cats for family is well...interesting..youll never know mischief they'll get u into....
cat lover me...
miss him so very much....
just thinking bout him makes me wanna cry~~~
*SIGH*
5.12.08
holidays = boring days~
*SIGH*
its been like 5 days or so since semester holidays...and i'm completely famished....
right now...all i wanna do is sleep,sleep and more sleep...but i cant!!! tension bebeh~ i wanno do sumtin....
when the idea of going back to kelantan for raya haji holidays came up...argh~~~ im lazy for travelling rite now...i wish i could pretend to be sick or sumtin and curl up all day..golek3~~~....
huhuhu...semalam i cried..for the first time...because i miss sumone...sooooo muuuuchhhh.....huhuhu...who else? duhhh~~ usually i'll cry because i cant have him...(diz can be proven by the amount of blogs previously....)...i guess the term 'dont make her cry again' was not really his fault...im such a cry baby..uhuhuhuhuk~ sian my sayang terkejut...adeyh~ chaiyok2!! kata sayang...me? herm~~~....
i guess im totally bored rite now is due to the lack of amount of money in my account...argh~~ i cant buy the books i want...i cant go travel...ayah said im pemalas..yeah..this is the pemalas girl who just end up sweeping the whole house,putting up the laundry and folding them....i could do all the cycle of coz...but my sister was an early bird these days...i dunt care much...she juz want to make a good impression....
so this pemalas girl cant surf the internet as much as she want,waiting at least 1 am in the morning so that the house wont go in total black out due to the stupid tendang thing...budus3~~~...then...i cant go out...i cant hold or carry my hp whenever i want...what can i do actually do then? be a pemalas laaaahhh~~
huhuhuhu~ sorry for the complaints...i dunt have much to write anyway...maybe next time ill write about my cuty babies...all 5 of them..the smelly suckers...always spoils me...ciz!!! cant help feeling helpless with their blue,green or coklat eyes...
arghhh!!! geram3~~~
uhuhuhu~ i guess i'll make the list now...i promised sayang i would....huhuhu...i guess when u love someone unconditionally,u tend to forget the first thing that made you fell for him...uhuhuhu~ am i exaggetarating? ahahaha~ sorry....ahahaha...nk nangis plak...come on come on...big gurls dont cry...guess i was wrong about myself in a lot of things when it comes to him....huhuhu...sayang kata ape? keep ur mind on sumtin...what is sumtin?...lalalalala~....i cant figure~~~
i guess this is the end...or else ill end up writing so much bout him,when he reads this blog,he'll kembang so much....tp,ok gak? si keding tu jd gmoks..bukankah itu matlamat asal?hahahaha~
but then again,when i think back again,of the times ive been lonely...im pretty much thankful to God that i have sayang right now...maybe sumday ill write about him...how we met...xoxo....hahaha! there! wrote again bout him....
a fren of mine and sayang once said to me;
"what is eventually yours will come back to you"
guess he was right,with all my wailing and sobbing in the middle of the night...many wont understand by then...but then again,thanks dude~ hope youll find her soon...
u see...sometimes we have to look past sumting to find sumting...if u put so much condition in finding sumone...ull take bout what? forever to find the rite person...in my case..well...he juz filled up the most important things....let him be the first one to know...and im greatfull enough with juz dat....
miss him so much already....
its been like 5 days or so since semester holidays...and i'm completely famished....
right now...all i wanna do is sleep,sleep and more sleep...but i cant!!! tension bebeh~ i wanno do sumtin....
when the idea of going back to kelantan for raya haji holidays came up...argh~~~ im lazy for travelling rite now...i wish i could pretend to be sick or sumtin and curl up all day..golek3~~~....
huhuhu...semalam i cried..for the first time...because i miss sumone...sooooo muuuuchhhh.....huhuhu...who else? duhhh~~ usually i'll cry because i cant have him...(diz can be proven by the amount of blogs previously....)...i guess the term 'dont make her cry again' was not really his fault...im such a cry baby..uhuhuhuhuk~ sian my sayang terkejut...adeyh~ chaiyok2!! kata sayang...me? herm~~~....
i guess im totally bored rite now is due to the lack of amount of money in my account...argh~~ i cant buy the books i want...i cant go travel...ayah said im pemalas..yeah..this is the pemalas girl who just end up sweeping the whole house,putting up the laundry and folding them....i could do all the cycle of coz...but my sister was an early bird these days...i dunt care much...she juz want to make a good impression....
so this pemalas girl cant surf the internet as much as she want,waiting at least 1 am in the morning so that the house wont go in total black out due to the stupid tendang thing...budus3~~~...then...i cant go out...i cant hold or carry my hp whenever i want...what can i do actually do then? be a pemalas laaaahhh~~
huhuhuhu~ sorry for the complaints...i dunt have much to write anyway...maybe next time ill write about my cuty babies...all 5 of them..the smelly suckers...always spoils me...ciz!!! cant help feeling helpless with their blue,green or coklat eyes...
arghhh!!! geram3~~~
uhuhuhu~ i guess i'll make the list now...i promised sayang i would....huhuhu...i guess when u love someone unconditionally,u tend to forget the first thing that made you fell for him...uhuhuhu~ am i exaggetarating? ahahaha~ sorry....ahahaha...nk nangis plak...come on come on...big gurls dont cry...guess i was wrong about myself in a lot of things when it comes to him....huhuhu...sayang kata ape? keep ur mind on sumtin...what is sumtin?...lalalalala~....i cant figure~~~
i guess this is the end...or else ill end up writing so much bout him,when he reads this blog,he'll kembang so much....tp,ok gak? si keding tu jd gmoks..bukankah itu matlamat asal?hahahaha~
but then again,when i think back again,of the times ive been lonely...im pretty much thankful to God that i have sayang right now...maybe sumday ill write about him...how we met...xoxo....hahaha! there! wrote again bout him....
a fren of mine and sayang once said to me;
"what is eventually yours will come back to you"
guess he was right,with all my wailing and sobbing in the middle of the night...many wont understand by then...but then again,thanks dude~ hope youll find her soon...
u see...sometimes we have to look past sumting to find sumting...if u put so much condition in finding sumone...ull take bout what? forever to find the rite person...in my case..well...he juz filled up the most important things....let him be the first one to know...and im greatfull enough with juz dat....
miss him so much already....
26.11.08
Happened Unexpectedly
Lalalalala~~
its been like what? 3 month i havent updated this blos..sigh~ sorry to all my readers...looks like i'll turn on a new leaf right now....maybe some of you are wondering why the post was 'happened unexpectedly'?...well...i'm glad to say,i'm taken...haha!
well,of coz it happen unexpectedly,maybe some of u might say i'm in a desperate situation considering my last few posts that shows how sad i am and all...but honestly,i'm not that DESPERATE ok? why? because if was desperate,i'll just pick up any guy in the street,mind you..ive got many chances..but my pride and self conscious tell me that it wasnt worth a try....
welll...all i can say that i'm really happy right now...all the pieces seems to fit in..(sayang,if ur reading this jgn kembang hidung..nnt nmpk cam gajah...)...hohohoho....all i can say is my first realationship is still new,and i'm proud to say and brave enough to say that i love him very much....
huhuhuhu...i'm supposed to actually study for my next 2 papers but my mind keeps drifting apart...reading others peoples blog actually triggers me to write this....maybe this will keep my head from drifting and..hehe..terangau...wahahahaha~
well...this semester seems to come to an end...it saddens me though that there were a lot of crisis happening around me...its sad to see friendships being thorn apart....friendship being pushed away as if has no value..sometimes i wonder,what really happened to the times that we had fun,TOGETHER? does selfishness always comes in the way?...i know im not in a position to give a lecture on how to maintain a realationship coz well...ive broken a few....and i'm not proud to admit about it...
this sort of things happen due to what we call...IMMATURITY....well....like sayang always say; forgive and forget...but well..some hurts a too deep,it leaves a scar...only time will tell how long it will actually heal....but then,trough all the pain..you will eventually learn sumting....
i remember the part where youll end up feeling guilty,but then again,wats worth was you dont EVER do it AGAIN...youll learn in time that when you have issues or fought or misunderstanding about sumting..youll feel glad that it actually happened..becoz people who actually care wont linger about it for much too long to ruin a precious realationship...
but then again,things dont always happen the way we want it to be...and every turn of events,there sure'll be a hikmah....and as always..only time can tell...youll never know what will happen,but juz get ready to explore the new knowledge...life's a mystery...you'll have fun without knowing it...
so that's that,da ade mood study dah...ciaowcinciaow~
its been like what? 3 month i havent updated this blos..sigh~ sorry to all my readers...looks like i'll turn on a new leaf right now....maybe some of you are wondering why the post was 'happened unexpectedly'?...well...i'm glad to say,i'm taken...haha!
well,of coz it happen unexpectedly,maybe some of u might say i'm in a desperate situation considering my last few posts that shows how sad i am and all...but honestly,i'm not that DESPERATE ok? why? because if was desperate,i'll just pick up any guy in the street,mind you..ive got many chances..but my pride and self conscious tell me that it wasnt worth a try....
welll...all i can say that i'm really happy right now...all the pieces seems to fit in..(sayang,if ur reading this jgn kembang hidung..nnt nmpk cam gajah...)...hohohoho....all i can say is my first realationship is still new,and i'm proud to say and brave enough to say that i love him very much....
huhuhuhu...i'm supposed to actually study for my next 2 papers but my mind keeps drifting apart...reading others peoples blog actually triggers me to write this....maybe this will keep my head from drifting and..hehe..terangau...wahahahaha~
well...this semester seems to come to an end...it saddens me though that there were a lot of crisis happening around me...its sad to see friendships being thorn apart....friendship being pushed away as if has no value..sometimes i wonder,what really happened to the times that we had fun,TOGETHER? does selfishness always comes in the way?...i know im not in a position to give a lecture on how to maintain a realationship coz well...ive broken a few....and i'm not proud to admit about it...
this sort of things happen due to what we call...IMMATURITY....well....like sayang always say; forgive and forget...but well..some hurts a too deep,it leaves a scar...only time will tell how long it will actually heal....but then,trough all the pain..you will eventually learn sumting....
i remember the part where youll end up feeling guilty,but then again,wats worth was you dont EVER do it AGAIN...youll learn in time that when you have issues or fought or misunderstanding about sumting..youll feel glad that it actually happened..becoz people who actually care wont linger about it for much too long to ruin a precious realationship...
but then again,things dont always happen the way we want it to be...and every turn of events,there sure'll be a hikmah....and as always..only time can tell...youll never know what will happen,but juz get ready to explore the new knowledge...life's a mystery...you'll have fun without knowing it...
so that's that,da ade mood study dah...ciaowcinciaow~
7.8.08
why?
Its been the third week of the semester,and I'm still here..in this place I'd so much call home...lots of things I've been coping up the past month..and as I walk myself to do the usual...I realize that..every now and then,I'm losing it....
Listening to my favourite songs dont cut it,jogging didnt cut it,laughing with my friends patch it up a little...but still...it's still there..the feeling of lost...
It's a mere fact,I'm not being myself lately,people usually see me as the happy-go-lucky-that-doesnt-seem-to-have-a-problem-in-the-world nana...but the mask that Ive been wearing seems to peel itself from me...I sincerely admit,I'm losing myself...
I don't know what was the cause,but eventually it started this year...maybe around February i think that my will and courage had seem to go off...it's like a part of me has gone somewhere that I dont know,or maybe I can't reach...
Friends say,dont thnk about it...but then,that's easier said than done...You see,I dont forget easily...It's a blessing and a curse...I can't forget certain events in my life that require forgetting...but then;by remembering,it reminds me to be careful next time..but if I remember it,it makes it hard to forgive...
It seems like distant memorise kept coming and going...I keep having headaches...and I cry for a reason that I dont know of...quite immature to some maybe but then its a pain that I'm going trough and I dont expect people to understand it...
I know,everything happens for a reason,and I know its a burden I have to bear...maybe the answers will come out someday...maybe I deserve this punishment...All I have to do is swollow the medicine for a better tomorrow....
At a certain point,Ive reached my limit,but then,God bless..I never cross the line of rationality...and I'm grateful enough to have friends that are there for me...I thank all of you for being there for me when I needed you the most...
Today,the first time in my life...I felt lonely in a crowded room..everyone seems to be talking..me?I dunno...I love and hate my loneliness...It's like an addiction...it's been my friend for so long...but I know someday I have to let it go...
Some people want to talk me into something,for some reason I dont want to listen...I dont know why...but a simple line can make you laugh or cry...and I'm tired of crying..
Listening to my favourite songs dont cut it,jogging didnt cut it,laughing with my friends patch it up a little...but still...it's still there..the feeling of lost...
It's a mere fact,I'm not being myself lately,people usually see me as the happy-go-lucky-that-doesnt-seem-to-have-a-problem-in-the-world nana...but the mask that Ive been wearing seems to peel itself from me...I sincerely admit,I'm losing myself...
I don't know what was the cause,but eventually it started this year...maybe around February i think that my will and courage had seem to go off...it's like a part of me has gone somewhere that I dont know,or maybe I can't reach...
Friends say,dont thnk about it...but then,that's easier said than done...You see,I dont forget easily...It's a blessing and a curse...I can't forget certain events in my life that require forgetting...but then;by remembering,it reminds me to be careful next time..but if I remember it,it makes it hard to forgive...
It seems like distant memorise kept coming and going...I keep having headaches...and I cry for a reason that I dont know of...quite immature to some maybe but then its a pain that I'm going trough and I dont expect people to understand it...
And Allah wont test you with a burden you cant bear - Al-Quran
I know,everything happens for a reason,and I know its a burden I have to bear...maybe the answers will come out someday...maybe I deserve this punishment...All I have to do is swollow the medicine for a better tomorrow....
At a certain point,Ive reached my limit,but then,God bless..I never cross the line of rationality...and I'm grateful enough to have friends that are there for me...I thank all of you for being there for me when I needed you the most...
Today,the first time in my life...I felt lonely in a crowded room..everyone seems to be talking..me?I dunno...I love and hate my loneliness...It's like an addiction...it's been my friend for so long...but I know someday I have to let it go...
Some people want to talk me into something,for some reason I dont want to listen...I dont know why...but a simple line can make you laugh or cry...and I'm tired of crying..
You wear a mask for too long,you forget who you really were underneath it...
Somebody save me from myself...
2.8.08
Look at the skies...
Never break 4 things in your life;Trust,Promise,Relation and Heart because when they break,they don't make a sound,but it hurts a lot....
It's been awhile and many things had happen in my life...there was so much to think about and do that I havent had the time to write any blog....But now,after a two weeks of staying in UTP...a certain thougt had came up and here I am sharing it....
Have you ever had your heart broken?The pain it gives you will remain as long as you can take it...I realise my heart was broken just recently when I noticed how jaded I am at certain events and how sensitive I am at another...
It's a lie when I tell you it doesnt hurt when it does...It's like a pain in the chest when the night gets dark and as the wind blow trough your face...The tears that come out unintentionally when you are left alone or when you want to be alone...it doesnt seem to stop when you want it to be....
It's true I've fallen in love,but I got up again,seeing that it was actually a feeling that doesnt seem to be...Maybe the heart breaks due to that I have been waiting for this feeling for so long,and knowing that it was actually a fake...what more I can say?
But then,on the bright side,I learn that I'm actually not as inconsiderate as some people told me...they tell me I'm not mature and all sorts,but then,who are they to judge?,at least I know now what to do...just keep on moving...
People will remember our mistakes better than our qualities...
Its sad to see that some people just can't forget our mistakes,even if we did say we were sorry...for me,if someone had the courage to say that they are sorry,they are someone that should be respected and deserve to be forgiven...I've met a few people who have these qualities..and I learn from them how to accept others mistakes and try hard enough to forget them....
It not easy to accept a person by their mistakes,I learn this the hard way...because whenever they broke one of the precious items above,theirs nothing you can do or say that can undo it...sometimes saying that your sorry is just not enough...it all depends on how deep the wound was cut...and how much the person responsible acknowledge it and try to make things better...even if the pain is gone,the scar is still there...and scars reminds us that the past is real...
Like people for their qualities,Love them for their difference...
It's easy to like someone when we have the same interest and quality,we get along well...but to love someone who have the qualities we hate...it's hard and special,we need tolerence,patience and even sacrifice...love is all about giving without expecting anything back...
We are all born different than another and no one is perfect,that's why we can't live alone...We need to accept the difference of others as how much they need to accept ours..because you'll never know who your hurting with just a word of speech...or and slight ignorance....accepting another needs time,so take your time but just hope its not too late...because sometimes when we meet someone,it's so we need to learn something from them....time will tell...
As hard as we want something to be,when it doesnt,either it's not the right time or it's not meant to be....
smile even when it hurts...
3.7.08
The Truth About Sadness
Once there was a small woman walking a long a dusty sidewalk. She seemed to be very old, but she walked with a light foot and her smile shone like that of a reckless young girl. She stopped at a being which was squatting in the dust of the wayside. She could not recognise much. the figure was almost without a body and seemed to be just a flannel blanket with the outline of a human body. The small woman bend down and asked:
"who are you?".
Two nearly lifeless eyes tiredly looked up:
"Me? I am the Sadness."
whispered a low and stagnant voice so that it almost could not be heard at all.
"Och! The Sadness!"
the small woman shouted with a happy voice like if welcoming an old friend.
"You know me?" the Sadness asked suspiciously.
"Of course i know you! You have often been my companion on the way"
"Yes, but.. why don't you flee from me, then?" the Sadness, still suspicious, asked.
"Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Why should i run away from you, dear? You know that you can keep up pace with everyone. But I wanted to ask you: Why do you look so discouraged?"
"I .... am sad," the grey figure answered with a broken voice.
The old woman sat down beside her.
"So you are sad..." she said and nodded, understanding.
"Go on, tell me what depresses you"
The Sadness sighed deeply: Could it be that this time someone wanted to listen to her? How often she wished that.
"Oh. You know.." she started hesitating and wondering,
"it is that just nobody likes me. It is my destiny to go among people and stay with them for a certain time. But when i come to them they are scared. They are afraid of me and avoid me like the plague. "
The Sadness gasped,
"They have invented sentences with which they want to banish me. They say: Shut up, life is fun. And their fake laughter leads to cramps in their stomach and makes them short of breath. They say: Let's praise what makes us tough. And than they get a pain in their heart. They say: You have to withstand the tear. And they feel a tear up their shoulders and in the back. They say: Only week ones cry. And with the tears jammed up they almost explode their heads. Or they deafen themselfs with drugs and alcohol so that they do not have to feel me."
"Oh yes,"the old woman acknowledged, "I have met such people often".
The Sadness sank down a little bit more into herself.
"But i only want to help people. When i am close to them they can find themselfs. I help them to build a nest to nurse their wounds. Sad persons have a very thin skin. Some woe gets broken up again like a wound that would not heal, and that hurts a lot. But only someone who allows Sadness and cries all the cried tears can really heal his wounds. But people do not want me to help them. Instead they put on a garish laughter over their scars. Or they arm them self with a thick armour made of bitterness."
The Sadness listened in silence. Her weeping was first weak than grew stronger and then totally desperate. The small old woman enclosed the sunken down Sadness into her comforting arms. How soft and tender she was, while she caressingly stroked the quivering bundle.
"Just weep, my Sadness." she lovingly whispered,
"Rest a little bit, so that you can gain power again. From now on, you should not walk alone anymore. I will accompany you, so that the chill does not become worse."
The Sadness stopped weeping. She sat up and looked astonished at her new companion.
"But .. but... Who are you?"
"Me?"
the small old woman said smilingly, and then she smiled benignly and recklessly like a little girl. "I am the Hope”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
maybe it OK to be sad...
maybe its just the best way to express yourself and to know who you really are...
maybe that's why we turn out to be bitter and jaded without even knowing it...
"who are you?".
Two nearly lifeless eyes tiredly looked up:
"Me? I am the Sadness."
whispered a low and stagnant voice so that it almost could not be heard at all.
"Och! The Sadness!"
the small woman shouted with a happy voice like if welcoming an old friend.
"You know me?" the Sadness asked suspiciously.
"Of course i know you! You have often been my companion on the way"
"Yes, but.. why don't you flee from me, then?" the Sadness, still suspicious, asked.
"Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Why should i run away from you, dear? You know that you can keep up pace with everyone. But I wanted to ask you: Why do you look so discouraged?"
"I .... am sad," the grey figure answered with a broken voice.
The old woman sat down beside her.
"So you are sad..." she said and nodded, understanding.
"Go on, tell me what depresses you"
The Sadness sighed deeply: Could it be that this time someone wanted to listen to her? How often she wished that.
"Oh. You know.." she started hesitating and wondering,
"it is that just nobody likes me. It is my destiny to go among people and stay with them for a certain time. But when i come to them they are scared. They are afraid of me and avoid me like the plague. "
The Sadness gasped,
"They have invented sentences with which they want to banish me. They say: Shut up, life is fun. And their fake laughter leads to cramps in their stomach and makes them short of breath. They say: Let's praise what makes us tough. And than they get a pain in their heart. They say: You have to withstand the tear. And they feel a tear up their shoulders and in the back. They say: Only week ones cry. And with the tears jammed up they almost explode their heads. Or they deafen themselfs with drugs and alcohol so that they do not have to feel me."
"Oh yes,"the old woman acknowledged, "I have met such people often".
The Sadness sank down a little bit more into herself.
"But i only want to help people. When i am close to them they can find themselfs. I help them to build a nest to nurse their wounds. Sad persons have a very thin skin. Some woe gets broken up again like a wound that would not heal, and that hurts a lot. But only someone who allows Sadness and cries all the cried tears can really heal his wounds. But people do not want me to help them. Instead they put on a garish laughter over their scars. Or they arm them self with a thick armour made of bitterness."
The Sadness listened in silence. Her weeping was first weak than grew stronger and then totally desperate. The small old woman enclosed the sunken down Sadness into her comforting arms. How soft and tender she was, while she caressingly stroked the quivering bundle.
"Just weep, my Sadness." she lovingly whispered,
"Rest a little bit, so that you can gain power again. From now on, you should not walk alone anymore. I will accompany you, so that the chill does not become worse."
The Sadness stopped weeping. She sat up and looked astonished at her new companion.
"But .. but... Who are you?"
"Me?"
the small old woman said smilingly, and then she smiled benignly and recklessly like a little girl. "I am the Hope”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
maybe it OK to be sad...
maybe its just the best way to express yourself and to know who you really are...
maybe that's why we turn out to be bitter and jaded without even knowing it...
26.6.08
Too Little Too Much To Take...
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream.
It's not easy to be me....
-Five For Fighting,Superman-
I hate it when it happens...
the feeling is sooooo unbearable to take...
i felt like screaming at the TOP of my lungs and crying my eye balls OUT!!!
Damn!!!!!
I feel so HELPLESS..
I feel so STUPID....
the deal is...whats the BIG deal???
its like everyday theres something to fault with...
and for your own pleasure...
all you can say is we're STUPID????
we dont mind chores...
just give us FREEDOM...
freedom to SPEAK...
freedom to TAKE SOME AIR...
all you have to do is just LISTEN!!!!
you always what to BRING UP THE PAST....
as long as theirs a fault...
you wont mind REPEATING it OVER and OVER again until their another FAULT to deal with...
ALL our LIFE...
is for YOUR PLEASURE...
we try our best to NOT TO ASK FOR YOUR MONEY..
we tried our best to GET GOOD GRADES so you can BOOST at people...
you really LIKE bringing people DOWN dont you?
somehow,as I get older...
I DONT KNOW YOU...
I TRIED my hardest to focus on what really makes you BITTER...
and you can even call me STUPID in front of anyone who will listen...
no wonder i always feel STUPID...
YOU NEVER LISTEN!!!!!
WHY????!!!!!
is it just because i ddnt IMPROVE in university?
just so you know...
I TRIED MY BEST!!!!
my HARDEST BEST!!!
but all you can think is I'M FOOLING AROUND...
GOD THAT HURTS!!!!!!!
if your angry at something..
why is it ALWAYS US to take the BLAME?
why is it ALWAYS US to take the HIT?
YOU PUSHED ME AT THE HEAD!!!
it doesnt hurt on the HEAD...
it hurts at the HEART!!!
and you did it in front of the little ones..
how nice....
now...they have NO RESPECT for me...
even dared to call me STUPID!!!
hahaha~
hope your HAPPY....
we cant WAIT to GET OUT...
maybe you'll feel better if you just KICKED US OUT...
then we wont EAT your FOOD,
STAY under your HOUSE,
and you can BLAME it on us for not being OBEDIENT...
you did it once...i think you can do it again...
SORRY for being in the way...
i dont know why you ever even BOTHER to TAKE US AWAY in the FIRST PLACE....
maybe i'm being OVERREACTING...
but its getting TOO MUCH!!!
all of this made me JADED...
and I cant even tell the SINCERITY of OTHERS...
if i even did realize...
IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE...
know this...
WE LOVE YOU...
but it seems like...
YOUR TAKING IT FOR GRANTED...
maybe you'll miss us...
when the day comes that we wont come back again...
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
Cuz everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you...
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you...
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take!
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
become so numb, so much more aware
By becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you....
-Linkin Park,Numb-
-its the people close to our hearts that hurts us the most-
-its the people we love that is always alien to us-
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
'Bout a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd
But don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream.
It's not easy to be me....
-Five For Fighting,Superman-
I hate it when it happens...
the feeling is sooooo unbearable to take...
i felt like screaming at the TOP of my lungs and crying my eye balls OUT!!!
Damn!!!!!
I feel so HELPLESS..
I feel so STUPID....
the deal is...whats the BIG deal???
its like everyday theres something to fault with...
and for your own pleasure...
all you can say is we're STUPID????
we dont mind chores...
just give us FREEDOM...
freedom to SPEAK...
freedom to TAKE SOME AIR...
all you have to do is just LISTEN!!!!
you always what to BRING UP THE PAST....
as long as theirs a fault...
you wont mind REPEATING it OVER and OVER again until their another FAULT to deal with...
ALL our LIFE...
is for YOUR PLEASURE...
we try our best to NOT TO ASK FOR YOUR MONEY..
we tried our best to GET GOOD GRADES so you can BOOST at people...
you really LIKE bringing people DOWN dont you?
somehow,as I get older...
I DONT KNOW YOU...
I TRIED my hardest to focus on what really makes you BITTER...
and you can even call me STUPID in front of anyone who will listen...
no wonder i always feel STUPID...
YOU NEVER LISTEN!!!!!
WHY????!!!!!
is it just because i ddnt IMPROVE in university?
just so you know...
I TRIED MY BEST!!!!
my HARDEST BEST!!!
but all you can think is I'M FOOLING AROUND...
GOD THAT HURTS!!!!!!!
if your angry at something..
why is it ALWAYS US to take the BLAME?
why is it ALWAYS US to take the HIT?
YOU PUSHED ME AT THE HEAD!!!
it doesnt hurt on the HEAD...
it hurts at the HEART!!!
and you did it in front of the little ones..
how nice....
now...they have NO RESPECT for me...
even dared to call me STUPID!!!
hahaha~
hope your HAPPY....
we cant WAIT to GET OUT...
maybe you'll feel better if you just KICKED US OUT...
then we wont EAT your FOOD,
STAY under your HOUSE,
and you can BLAME it on us for not being OBEDIENT...
you did it once...i think you can do it again...
SORRY for being in the way...
i dont know why you ever even BOTHER to TAKE US AWAY in the FIRST PLACE....
maybe i'm being OVERREACTING...
but its getting TOO MUCH!!!
all of this made me JADED...
and I cant even tell the SINCERITY of OTHERS...
if i even did realize...
IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE...
know this...
WE LOVE YOU...
but it seems like...
YOUR TAKING IT FOR GRANTED...
maybe you'll miss us...
when the day comes that we wont come back again...
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
Cuz everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you...
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you...
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take!
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
become so numb, so much more aware
By becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you....
-Linkin Park,Numb-
-its the people close to our hearts that hurts us the most-
-its the people we love that is always alien to us-
22.6.08
Confessions Of A Broken Heart
Sometimes, when we expect too much, we tend to forget to be grateful…
We can live our own lives, we can keep our own secrets, and we can have everything we wanted it to be….
But sometimes,
Fate has its own ways…..
I remember that night, I met this girl and we had a conversation that I’ll remember by heart…
‘What are you doing?’
‘Just watching the skies’
‘What are you feeling right now?’
‘I feel very lonely…but by watching the skies, I don’t feel very lonely…’
‘Why so?’
‘Because…even if I’m feeling lonely right here, someone else who might have the same feeling maybe is watching the skies too…then together we share this lonely feeling under the same sky…’
‘Do you always feel like this?’
‘It was always at first but for once…For the first time in my life, I didn’t, but I let it slipped away…’
‘Why?’
‘Because I made a mistake, and it was unforgivable….’
‘What made you make that mistake? All mistakes should be forgiven…’
‘It happened because I was so pissed and fed up with people asking me questions that I don’t have the answer…If I do, why should I hide it anyway? If I do, I won’t be so confused then I won’t have said what I shouldn’t have said which hurt an innocent and end up hurting myself too…’
‘Don’t feel sorry for yourself, you’ll look so weak…’
‘I was never strong, I never faced my problems, I never was what people taught I was.....they say just be yourself…but when I did, people just keep their distance…so here I am, wearing a mask of all sorts… laughing to myself, seeing how stupid I have been…’
‘I’m sorry if you felt that way…’
‘Don’t be…I don’t need your sympathy…’
Then she left without a single word……
It was after a few months I saw her again....
‘So how do you feel right now? It’s been awhile since we met…’
‘It was the same…I lost the feeling but its still there…somewhere deep inside my heart, I knew it’s always there....I had that feeling but I let it slipped away...I can’t bring myself to let it go…’
‘Even if the person who gave you that feeling doesn’t even care?’
‘I don’t know…’
‘You don’t know? Or you don’t want to know?’
‘I’m too proud to loose, and I’m too afraid to ask…I’ll just be that loser who can’t even understand myself…’
‘But why are you crying dear?...’
‘I don’t want to cry...I tried so hard not too...every time I pushed it away...it kept coming back as hard as I push it away... I kept asking myself, why? It was never so hard before...It was never so hard to forget...I can accept it was my fault, I can accept being friends, it was better than having nothing at all....’
‘But someday, you have to let it go...’
‘I wish I could....I taught I did...But I couldn’t...It was the best feeling...I don’t want to let go...’
‘But then it’s like being stupid...and you’re just lying to yourself...’
‘I know...somehow, when I’m strong enough I should...all this while, its my friends who cover up the wound, even if they don’t know about it...i should be grateful with what I had than regret what I didn’t....it’s not mine to take...i should be happy if he is without me...’
‘What was he like? What made him so special?’
‘He may not be the perfect person you taught he was...He had something that I always searched in a guy...until now, I forgot what it was because I already found it in him... He listens...He made me laugh...He hurts me so much I can actually love it...He made me scared and happy at the same time...But the best thing was, he made me happy because I can smile everyday and I even forget that I was lonely before...for me, he’s perfect as I what him to be...he may have some flaws but I know flaws can be improved...but now, he’s not mine and I know I shouldn’t have this feeling...’
‘Why should you regret it? Everyone has the right to have it...you didn’t ask for it, it usually comes by itself....’
‘I regret it because I saw it from the start, it was very clear...I told everything about myself but I know nothing about him...as how much I shared, I didn’t deserve his secrets...he showed it from the start and I should have known where my rightful place to be...I’m so stupid I should have seen it...but I’m really thankful to him, he gave me a chance...and now, I can be more understanding than I ever was before to my friends that are brave enough to cross the line...’
‘So what it’ll be? What are you going to do now?’
‘I’ll just keep it for awhile, when I’m strong enough, I’ll let it go...if he’s happy now, why can’t I be happy too right? I know I’m being immature about it but then, if that’s what I am, so let it be...’
And then, there she went....the most meaningful conversation that I ever had...from that day on, I wish I could see her again...the girl who was brave enough to confess after a long time of regret...the girl I seldom see in life...the girl that I only see in the mirror....
I’m just too stupid and inconsiderate to see...
Welcome back to sleepless nights...
I’m sorry and I thank you....
written:June 05,2008
A Month Of 20
It’s already a month that I’ve been 20, and much has happened with much to think about…I realized I haven’t been mature enough to be called a 20 teen…but then, if people keep seeing me as a little girl, then I guess I’ll be a little girl then…sometimes, we don’t want to think about what people think about us, but sometimes what they say is sometimes true… Never mind what I said, it’s what you say that counts…
Surprisingly, I’ve learn a lot about things that happen in my life…what happened to me, my family and friends will always comes to mind….At certain rate it happens to fast that I cant breath…At times, its too hard to forget which made me realize… … I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, I regret to have done it…But I’m glad it happened so that I’ll never make the same mistake again and ironically, I remember it well enough not to do the same mistake again…People make mistakes…And they deserve a second chance…
Haha….guess I have much to laugh about…thinking back…I never thought I’d be so stupid at times…dumb~~~ …haha…It’s true that sometimes, I can be a hypocrite….Doesn’t everyone else does? I know sometimes I can be childish or immature, but maybe I’m too mature ….what is maturity actually? Too be able to smile when you hurt the most? To be able to forget your problems? To laugh when you’re actually crying so hard inside? To be able to let go of what you can’t change? To be able to handle your loneliness by just looking up to the sky? If that’s so…what is immature than… Haha… We put another mask so people wont feel our pain…Well that’s how we are then…Always trying our best to pleasure the people around us…Especially the ones we care most… My happiness is for everyone, my sadness is for my own…
I learned the hard way to understand that crying helps you know yourself…how you get to know your own strength …The more you cry for a certain person, the more you know how much they mean to you…I admit, at first, I thought crying makes you look weak…But later I found out, crying helps too…cause…you know who’s really who… they say let it go but I’d say never let go of what’s precious to you….If it’s a memory that you’re happy with. …It’s you who decide to keep it…
I keep saying to myself I had a hard life…Maybe that’s why, when everything was so easy, I just cant help but making it more complicated…… My wounds are self-inflicted……haha…a stupid and childish me kept saying ‘Be careful!, look before you leap! Prevention is better than cure!’…but things never ever happened the way we want it to be because nothing is perfect…what so perfect of being perfect? Who ever said there was a perfect person? Who ever said there was a perfect life? Who ever said life is easy? Guess I’m too afraid to cross the line…
List of 20 things that I learned in my 20 years of life is;
1)Learn to love unconditionally
2)Smile even when it hurts
3)Never expect to much in life and never take it for granted
4)Know that Hate is just an option
5)Learn to forgive…even if it takes time…
6)We cant always have all the things we wanted because not all plan happens the way we plan it t be.
7)People who hurts us the most are the people close to our hearts
8)Never give up
9)Try to think positive as much as we could
10)Forgive but never forget… so that the same mistake will not happen again
11)Be and trust yourself
12)Sometimes being too independent can make you not appreciate people who care for you…
13)Never count what others give, it’s what we give that counts…Giving is better than taking…
14)Be patient as long as you can…even if it is the hardest ting to do…
15)Change for yourself and for the best
16)Never stop having faith
17)Sing you heart out…the more people are annoyed…the better
18)Family is family…how bad or good they are… just learn to deal with it…
19)Hearing is not listening…
20)Life is already difficult, don’t make it more difficult
It’s the state of bliss you think your dreaming
It’s the happiness inside that your feeling
It’s so beautiful it makes you want to cry…
-Innocence-
Got hurt by you, but still love you in the morning…
The saddest thing that happened in my life…happens when nobody’s listening…
To be loved is the best feeling...addiction....
It hurts a lot, but I’m glad it happened.....
written:April 16,2008
Surprisingly, I’ve learn a lot about things that happen in my life…what happened to me, my family and friends will always comes to mind….At certain rate it happens to fast that I cant breath…At times, its too hard to forget which made me realize… … I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, I regret to have done it…But I’m glad it happened so that I’ll never make the same mistake again and ironically, I remember it well enough not to do the same mistake again…People make mistakes…And they deserve a second chance…
Haha….guess I have much to laugh about…thinking back…I never thought I’d be so stupid at times…dumb~~~ …haha…It’s true that sometimes, I can be a hypocrite….Doesn’t everyone else does? I know sometimes I can be childish or immature, but maybe I’m too mature ….what is maturity actually? Too be able to smile when you hurt the most? To be able to forget your problems? To laugh when you’re actually crying so hard inside? To be able to let go of what you can’t change? To be able to handle your loneliness by just looking up to the sky? If that’s so…what is immature than… Haha… We put another mask so people wont feel our pain…Well that’s how we are then…Always trying our best to pleasure the people around us…Especially the ones we care most… My happiness is for everyone, my sadness is for my own…
I learned the hard way to understand that crying helps you know yourself…how you get to know your own strength …The more you cry for a certain person, the more you know how much they mean to you…I admit, at first, I thought crying makes you look weak…But later I found out, crying helps too…cause…you know who’s really who… they say let it go but I’d say never let go of what’s precious to you….If it’s a memory that you’re happy with. …It’s you who decide to keep it…
I keep saying to myself I had a hard life…Maybe that’s why, when everything was so easy, I just cant help but making it more complicated…… My wounds are self-inflicted……haha…a stupid and childish me kept saying ‘Be careful!, look before you leap! Prevention is better than cure!’…but things never ever happened the way we want it to be because nothing is perfect…what so perfect of being perfect? Who ever said there was a perfect person? Who ever said there was a perfect life? Who ever said life is easy? Guess I’m too afraid to cross the line…
List of 20 things that I learned in my 20 years of life is;
1)Learn to love unconditionally
2)Smile even when it hurts
3)Never expect to much in life and never take it for granted
4)Know that Hate is just an option
5)Learn to forgive…even if it takes time…
6)We cant always have all the things we wanted because not all plan happens the way we plan it t be.
7)People who hurts us the most are the people close to our hearts
8)Never give up
9)Try to think positive as much as we could
10)Forgive but never forget… so that the same mistake will not happen again
11)Be and trust yourself
12)Sometimes being too independent can make you not appreciate people who care for you…
13)Never count what others give, it’s what we give that counts…Giving is better than taking…
14)Be patient as long as you can…even if it is the hardest ting to do…
15)Change for yourself and for the best
16)Never stop having faith
17)Sing you heart out…the more people are annoyed…the better
18)Family is family…how bad or good they are… just learn to deal with it…
19)Hearing is not listening…
20)Life is already difficult, don’t make it more difficult
It’s the state of bliss you think your dreaming
It’s the happiness inside that your feeling
It’s so beautiful it makes you want to cry…
-Innocence-
Got hurt by you, but still love you in the morning…
The saddest thing that happened in my life…happens when nobody’s listening…
To be loved is the best feeling...addiction....
It hurts a lot, but I’m glad it happened.....
written:April 16,2008
Life As A Runaway
I’m not afraid of anything,
i just need to know that i can breathe
And I don’t need much of anything
But suddenly suddenly
I am small and the world is big
All around me is fast moving
Surrounded by so many things
Suddenly suddenly..
-Avril Lavigne, How Does It Feel-
Waking in the middle of the night has been my current hobby these days….It wasn’t enough by just waking, I end up crying as well….Much things happen in my life these days…And it never occurred to me that it would happen so fast I cant breath…
Its true that it has given me so much time to write a blog.....So much that happen that I cant really described has happen and it never was much in my attention…This ends up with me crying in the middle of the night…not knowing what to do with it….
Now, I seldom sleep…To much to do with to much to think with so little time…It always end up with me crying …How lonely it feels to cry all alone with nothing to do about it....I’m even crying write now as I’m typing these words…Many won’t believe it but it seems that I made a habit out of it these days….It never was my nature to complain about life coz that’s how it is....
I realized that I never did anything about it…I never know why I was crying and I never even cared….I know I shouldn’t have…All of my life, I realized I never solved my problems…All I do was running away…. ‘Its easier’ I would say, as I kept going on with life as it is….Leaving the unsolved problems with no answers….Keeping me in questions that I don’t know or how to answer…
As I look at the great black sky outside my window, I realized that it was as black as my heart…I know now that I never considered others feelings…all I wanted was for them to understand me, to know me…but I never return the favor…how selfish a person could be? I want them to know the real me, but I kept running away…Never telling what I should be telling and kept keeping secrets…How should you know me by then?
The tongue is sharper than a sword…I know I have said many things to hurt others feelings…maybe its better that what should have not been said is left unsaid…maybe in that way…I wont feel sorry for myself as I am right now…I don’t know what to say right now because I’m feeling so confused…they say let it out, don’t keep it inside…but it never turned right…it never did…I can be as honest as I can be, but I never said honesty with the right words…
I was never confused with what I feel or what I what to tell…I know myself better than any of anyone I know in this life…what always makes me confused was how others treat me…some acted as if they really cared…but actions speak louder than words…its not that I’m not appreciating those who really cared…its just that its hard to be grateful when your so confused…
Anyone can say anything in many ways, but a true and honest person would say it right at your face, whether you like it or not…How different a person can be when you chat or send messages with them but turn out a different face in real life…how confusing could that be? Don’t say what you what to say but never making clear about it…I can’t stand it…
I cant stand liars…I have been lied to so many by others in my life its so hard to trust…Its easier to trust than have doubt to others…but its so hard to trust these days I don’t know how I could keep up with life…I have been betrayed so much in life…being used…I just cant stand it…I never thought I was that stupid until it was too late…My dad always told me when I was young, I always follow what others say without even thinking about it, so lurus, he would say…I never believed it, but now, I think he’s right…
Many have teased me for being jiwang of some sort, but at least I have the heart to express what I feel…I never really care what people said to me…I know how I felt and I’m not afraid to show it…but I really cant say it right…or even act right…I’m so used to pretend in my life…sometimes, I never know which mask I’m wearing….again, my selfish me overcomes the real me…
I don’t know why im writing this right now, but all I know is that I’m not as strong as I was before…my life back then was hard and tough…but I never thought that my life which is easier and less tougher right now would be so much complicated….I never know how to have fun, I never laugh so much in my life, and I never felt happier here…but there’s always a catch…
As I’m counting the days to finally meet my mother, I know I should have been grateful enough with I have in life…I never know what I’d do if I was in her shoes back then…would I be as strong as her? I think I cant…as much as friends have told me how strong I am…I never felt the words was right…so much to tell her and so much to ask…but I cant ruin her holiday just for my selfish sake…it just doesn’t feel right…
Its easier to forgive and forget…but what really hurts was to forget what really matters…its easier to say I’m sorry than I forgive you…It never occurred to me to have said so much sorry these days… which I’m glad I did…To those I owe my apologies…I’m really sorry….
The morning breeze really soothes the heart…it’s been awhile since I wanted to jog…but haven’t had the shoes and time to do so…Life is so full of ups and down…you just have to know how to handle it…I know jogging doesn’t help much coz it just shows that I’m actually running away…but I guess its just the way of expressing it…
Life goes on as a spinning wheel…some get it some don’t…its not always easy…if everything was easy as it seems…than I guess there was nothing much more meaningful in life than to die…keep on moving I’d say…there’s much to be grateful than to regret…Even if its killing you in the inside…just smile when it hurts…You know You’ll be ok…
Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK
-Gabrielle, Out of Reach-
written: February 20,2008
i just need to know that i can breathe
And I don’t need much of anything
But suddenly suddenly
I am small and the world is big
All around me is fast moving
Surrounded by so many things
Suddenly suddenly..
-Avril Lavigne, How Does It Feel-
Waking in the middle of the night has been my current hobby these days….It wasn’t enough by just waking, I end up crying as well….Much things happen in my life these days…And it never occurred to me that it would happen so fast I cant breath…
Its true that it has given me so much time to write a blog.....So much that happen that I cant really described has happen and it never was much in my attention…This ends up with me crying in the middle of the night…not knowing what to do with it….
Now, I seldom sleep…To much to do with to much to think with so little time…It always end up with me crying …How lonely it feels to cry all alone with nothing to do about it....I’m even crying write now as I’m typing these words…Many won’t believe it but it seems that I made a habit out of it these days….It never was my nature to complain about life coz that’s how it is....
I realized that I never did anything about it…I never know why I was crying and I never even cared….I know I shouldn’t have…All of my life, I realized I never solved my problems…All I do was running away…. ‘Its easier’ I would say, as I kept going on with life as it is….Leaving the unsolved problems with no answers….Keeping me in questions that I don’t know or how to answer…
As I look at the great black sky outside my window, I realized that it was as black as my heart…I know now that I never considered others feelings…all I wanted was for them to understand me, to know me…but I never return the favor…how selfish a person could be? I want them to know the real me, but I kept running away…Never telling what I should be telling and kept keeping secrets…How should you know me by then?
The tongue is sharper than a sword…I know I have said many things to hurt others feelings…maybe its better that what should have not been said is left unsaid…maybe in that way…I wont feel sorry for myself as I am right now…I don’t know what to say right now because I’m feeling so confused…they say let it out, don’t keep it inside…but it never turned right…it never did…I can be as honest as I can be, but I never said honesty with the right words…
I was never confused with what I feel or what I what to tell…I know myself better than any of anyone I know in this life…what always makes me confused was how others treat me…some acted as if they really cared…but actions speak louder than words…its not that I’m not appreciating those who really cared…its just that its hard to be grateful when your so confused…
Anyone can say anything in many ways, but a true and honest person would say it right at your face, whether you like it or not…How different a person can be when you chat or send messages with them but turn out a different face in real life…how confusing could that be? Don’t say what you what to say but never making clear about it…I can’t stand it…
I cant stand liars…I have been lied to so many by others in my life its so hard to trust…Its easier to trust than have doubt to others…but its so hard to trust these days I don’t know how I could keep up with life…I have been betrayed so much in life…being used…I just cant stand it…I never thought I was that stupid until it was too late…My dad always told me when I was young, I always follow what others say without even thinking about it, so lurus, he would say…I never believed it, but now, I think he’s right…
Many have teased me for being jiwang of some sort, but at least I have the heart to express what I feel…I never really care what people said to me…I know how I felt and I’m not afraid to show it…but I really cant say it right…or even act right…I’m so used to pretend in my life…sometimes, I never know which mask I’m wearing….again, my selfish me overcomes the real me…
I don’t know why im writing this right now, but all I know is that I’m not as strong as I was before…my life back then was hard and tough…but I never thought that my life which is easier and less tougher right now would be so much complicated….I never know how to have fun, I never laugh so much in my life, and I never felt happier here…but there’s always a catch…
As I’m counting the days to finally meet my mother, I know I should have been grateful enough with I have in life…I never know what I’d do if I was in her shoes back then…would I be as strong as her? I think I cant…as much as friends have told me how strong I am…I never felt the words was right…so much to tell her and so much to ask…but I cant ruin her holiday just for my selfish sake…it just doesn’t feel right…
Its easier to forgive and forget…but what really hurts was to forget what really matters…its easier to say I’m sorry than I forgive you…It never occurred to me to have said so much sorry these days… which I’m glad I did…To those I owe my apologies…I’m really sorry….
The morning breeze really soothes the heart…it’s been awhile since I wanted to jog…but haven’t had the shoes and time to do so…Life is so full of ups and down…you just have to know how to handle it…I know jogging doesn’t help much coz it just shows that I’m actually running away…but I guess its just the way of expressing it…
Life goes on as a spinning wheel…some get it some don’t…its not always easy…if everything was easy as it seems…than I guess there was nothing much more meaningful in life than to die…keep on moving I’d say…there’s much to be grateful than to regret…Even if its killing you in the inside…just smile when it hurts…You know You’ll be ok…
Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK
-Gabrielle, Out of Reach-
written: February 20,2008
21.6.08
A Point of View
A Point of View
After Genting,Mid Valley dan Beowulf..
Due to certain problems..i cant publish my blog on the specific time…
28 haribulan november mencatat hari yg memenatkn….tp memuaskan…
Ironically,I received a lesson from a stranger which a would simply call Mr. A since his name starts with A..
It all happen so fast and unexpectedly..After buying icecream with Weda at McD,we sat at a bench waiting for Maghrib to come.I sat beside a man who seems to be minding his business…Then suddenly he asked;
“Dik,kat luar hujan lg tak?”
“Ermm..taktaula sbb kami dr dalam..”
“Kenape beli aiskrim McD?Taktau ke McD ni menyumbang wang kepada yahudi?”
“Err..taktau pakcik…”
“Haa..KFC,McD..suma tu menyumbang kpd yahudi,StarBucks tu,siap letak satu cawan akan derma berapa sen kepada tabung yahudi…saya haramkn anak2 saya mkn KFC suma tu,saya taknak menyumbang kpd yahudi”
“Maafla pakcik,saya bukan tau sgt…”
“Tu la…saya selalu pelik kenapa anak remaja sekarang suka sgt beli KFC and McD,diorg ni ramai yg taktau..”
“Ntahla pakcik…”
“Tu la sekarang,ramai yg nk kucar kacirkn Negara kita,buat perhimpunan suma,org
India…”
“Org India?bkn parti2 pembangkang ke pakcik?Pakcik join tak perhimpunan tu?”
“Hermm…yg lain tu mengikut je,saya tak join..saya dgn kwn2 saya tak mengundi..”
“Eh?Bkn wajib mengundi ke pakcik?”
“Sape kata?takde pun tulis dlm Al-Quran ke Hadis yg kita kena mengundi,yg ada hanyala kita kena pilih pemimpin yg baik…dalam setiap parti,mana ada cth pemimpin yg baik…Saya mana setuju dgn pimpinan PAS,cerca sanasini,langsung tak tunjuk cth yg baik..saya pernah berdebat dgn anggota tertinggi PAS,saya tny,dlm Al-Quran ke Hadis mana yg cakap kite kena caci org?..suma takley jawap..Anwar Ibrahim tu,mana org atu die lelaki yg baik…mana ada baik…..kalau org tau perangai die,takde sape nk undi die…org2 atasan die suma,suma perangai tak elok…..saya knal sorg org kata alim ni,siap pakai nama saya nk masuk hotel….die ckp kat isteri die dia p Qiamulail,padahal manada,berzina sana sini….saya siap tny die,tak takut ke org tau…dia kata;ala..takdenye org tau….”
“Ish..ada jugak org camtu,Allah nmpk tak piker plak..kat universiti saya pun ade gak yang pergi perhimpunan tu..saya tak setuju sbb bg saya,kalau kita belajar dan jadi orang yg berjaya..takde siapa akan haling kita untuk membuat sesuatu yang baik…”
“Itula pasal..Apa yg pasti dalam Al-Quran dan Hadis..taat kepada ibu bapa..itu yang paling utama..adake gunakan budak universiti….awak ni belajar lg ke?Amek ape?”
“Kat UTP,amek civil engineering”
“Haa..pakcik pun amek civil jugak dulu…sekarang wat investment…kamu belajar dalam bahasa inggeriskn?”
“Ha ah…”
“Berapa peratus kamu bg kat diri kamu utk speaking kamu?”
“Dlm 80%...”
“Haa..kalau kamu nk tingkatkan and kamu tak yakin dgn pencapaian kamu,dalam sehari,kamu cari dalam 5 perkataan baru,kamu ingat…kire dalam 2 tahun dah 3000 lebih perkataan baru…pakcik dapat dr abg pakcik sbb pakcik dulu org kampong..”
“Ermm..betul jugak…”
“Macam benda sama jugak kalau nk baca Al-Quran,kalo tny suma org,khatam ke tak..suma akan kata khatam..tp bile suruh explain..suma taktau…so kite apply benda yg sama disitu..cari tafsir..baca..then tulis balik… "
“mcm susah je…”
“maybe kite busy..takpe..kite kurangkn kpd 2 ayat sehari..dalam 4 thn ,insyAllah..kite dah habiskan satu Al-Quran..so nnt org tny,kita dapat balas blk…”
“Ermmm…”
“Pakcik baca bible,kitab suci org Hindu..nk tau diorg punya agama…ramai yg tny pakcik kenapa..”
“Yeala..kalau kita dah yakin dgn agama kita,kenapa kita nk takut dgn agama lain”
“Haa..itulaa…pakcik penah kena tny dgn seorg paderi…die tny pakcik ada agama ke tak….pakcik kata takde..saje pakcik nk tgk camne die nk pengaruh pakcik…tu la..die tunjuk macam2,kata macam2..last2 pakcik tny die,saya pelikla dgn you punya tuhan ni,kejap kat atas,kejap kat bawah,kejap kecik..yg mana satu?pakcik tny die,kamu d abaca Al-Quran?So why you said Islam is bad?....die ckp belum..pakcik siap belikan lg tafsir utk die..last2 die da tak jadi paderi da..Sama jugak haritu dgn Hindu..dia ajak masuk kuil..pakcik masuk….pakcik tny dia sape yang buat Tuhan diorg ni..dia kata orang…pakcik katala nk pijak…dia tak kasi…pakcik tny kenapa,bukannya die wat ape pun..kwn pakcik senyap je…Org Kristian ni,kita sng je nak bangkang dia..kita tny die,berapa kitab yang dia ada..dia akan kata ada 4,berapa yang dia da baca…sepatutnye 2 sbb Taurat dgn Zabur patut die da baca…satu Injil..satu lagi is actually Al-Quran..sbb ayat terakhir dalam Bible adalah…follow the man named ‘Ahmad’ (Nabi Muhammad s.a.w)..”
“Hermm…macam tu ke pakcik tgkla mcm mana….”
Memandangkan waktu Maghrib yg dinanti dah tbe…Kami minta diri dulu…pakcik tu pesan satu je,pasal Al-Quran tu….For me laa…apa2 yang disembangkan dgn pakcik ni,kita amek yg perkara yang baik..maybe yang die ckp tu btol..maybe tak..but apa yang baik takkan kita nk buangkn?Pikir2 sendirila camne…
For me,kalau ada org tua nk bercakap,kita sebagai minor kenala dgr..ape yang kita rasa salah..diam2 je la..maybe ada btolnye…kita tak tau sebab kita tinggal dlm dunia yang terpencil….mcm2 org boleh pengaruhi kita…so depend on diri sendiri…kita yang tentukan diri kita sendiri..
Written: 3 Disember 2007
After Genting,Mid Valley dan Beowulf..
Due to certain problems..i cant publish my blog on the specific time…
28 haribulan november mencatat hari yg memenatkn….tp memuaskan…
Ironically,I received a lesson from a stranger which a would simply call Mr. A since his name starts with A..
It all happen so fast and unexpectedly..After buying icecream with Weda at McD,we sat at a bench waiting for Maghrib to come.I sat beside a man who seems to be minding his business…Then suddenly he asked;
“Dik,kat luar hujan lg tak?”
“Ermm..taktaula sbb kami dr dalam..”
“Kenape beli aiskrim McD?Taktau ke McD ni menyumbang wang kepada yahudi?”
“Err..taktau pakcik…”
“Haa..KFC,McD..suma tu menyumbang kpd yahudi,StarBucks tu,siap letak satu cawan akan derma berapa sen kepada tabung yahudi…saya haramkn anak2 saya mkn KFC suma tu,saya taknak menyumbang kpd yahudi”
“Maafla pakcik,saya bukan tau sgt…”
“Tu la…saya selalu pelik kenapa anak remaja sekarang suka sgt beli KFC and McD,diorg ni ramai yg taktau..”
“Ntahla pakcik…”
“Tu la sekarang,ramai yg nk kucar kacirkn Negara kita,buat perhimpunan suma,org
India…”
“Org India?bkn parti2 pembangkang ke pakcik?Pakcik join tak perhimpunan tu?”
“Hermm…yg lain tu mengikut je,saya tak join..saya dgn kwn2 saya tak mengundi..”
“Eh?Bkn wajib mengundi ke pakcik?”
“Sape kata?takde pun tulis dlm Al-Quran ke Hadis yg kita kena mengundi,yg ada hanyala kita kena pilih pemimpin yg baik…dalam setiap parti,mana ada cth pemimpin yg baik…Saya mana setuju dgn pimpinan PAS,cerca sanasini,langsung tak tunjuk cth yg baik..saya pernah berdebat dgn anggota tertinggi PAS,saya tny,dlm Al-Quran ke Hadis mana yg cakap kite kena caci org?..suma takley jawap..Anwar Ibrahim tu,mana org atu die lelaki yg baik…mana ada baik…..kalau org tau perangai die,takde sape nk undi die…org2 atasan die suma,suma perangai tak elok…..saya knal sorg org kata alim ni,siap pakai nama saya nk masuk hotel….die ckp kat isteri die dia p Qiamulail,padahal manada,berzina sana sini….saya siap tny die,tak takut ke org tau…dia kata;ala..takdenye org tau….”
“Ish..ada jugak org camtu,Allah nmpk tak piker plak..kat universiti saya pun ade gak yang pergi perhimpunan tu..saya tak setuju sbb bg saya,kalau kita belajar dan jadi orang yg berjaya..takde siapa akan haling kita untuk membuat sesuatu yang baik…”
“Itula pasal..Apa yg pasti dalam Al-Quran dan Hadis..taat kepada ibu bapa..itu yang paling utama..adake gunakan budak universiti….awak ni belajar lg ke?Amek ape?”
“Kat UTP,amek civil engineering”
“Haa..pakcik pun amek civil jugak dulu…sekarang wat investment…kamu belajar dalam bahasa inggeriskn?”
“Ha ah…”
“Berapa peratus kamu bg kat diri kamu utk speaking kamu?”
“Dlm 80%...”
“Haa..kalau kamu nk tingkatkan and kamu tak yakin dgn pencapaian kamu,dalam sehari,kamu cari dalam 5 perkataan baru,kamu ingat…kire dalam 2 tahun dah 3000 lebih perkataan baru…pakcik dapat dr abg pakcik sbb pakcik dulu org kampong..”
“Ermm..betul jugak…”
“Macam benda sama jugak kalau nk baca Al-Quran,kalo tny suma org,khatam ke tak..suma akan kata khatam..tp bile suruh explain..suma taktau…so kite apply benda yg sama disitu..cari tafsir..baca..then tulis balik… "
“mcm susah je…”
“maybe kite busy..takpe..kite kurangkn kpd 2 ayat sehari..dalam 4 thn ,insyAllah..kite dah habiskan satu Al-Quran..so nnt org tny,kita dapat balas blk…”
“Ermmm…”
“Pakcik baca bible,kitab suci org Hindu..nk tau diorg punya agama…ramai yg tny pakcik kenapa..”
“Yeala..kalau kita dah yakin dgn agama kita,kenapa kita nk takut dgn agama lain”
“Haa..itulaa…pakcik penah kena tny dgn seorg paderi…die tny pakcik ada agama ke tak….pakcik kata takde..saje pakcik nk tgk camne die nk pengaruh pakcik…tu la..die tunjuk macam2,kata macam2..last2 pakcik tny die,saya pelikla dgn you punya tuhan ni,kejap kat atas,kejap kat bawah,kejap kecik..yg mana satu?pakcik tny die,kamu d abaca Al-Quran?So why you said Islam is bad?....die ckp belum..pakcik siap belikan lg tafsir utk die..last2 die da tak jadi paderi da..Sama jugak haritu dgn Hindu..dia ajak masuk kuil..pakcik masuk….pakcik tny dia sape yang buat Tuhan diorg ni..dia kata orang…pakcik katala nk pijak…dia tak kasi…pakcik tny kenapa,bukannya die wat ape pun..kwn pakcik senyap je…Org Kristian ni,kita sng je nak bangkang dia..kita tny die,berapa kitab yang dia ada..dia akan kata ada 4,berapa yang dia da baca…sepatutnye 2 sbb Taurat dgn Zabur patut die da baca…satu Injil..satu lagi is actually Al-Quran..sbb ayat terakhir dalam Bible adalah…follow the man named ‘Ahmad’ (Nabi Muhammad s.a.w)..”
“Hermm…macam tu ke pakcik tgkla mcm mana….”
Memandangkan waktu Maghrib yg dinanti dah tbe…Kami minta diri dulu…pakcik tu pesan satu je,pasal Al-Quran tu….For me laa…apa2 yang disembangkan dgn pakcik ni,kita amek yg perkara yang baik..maybe yang die ckp tu btol..maybe tak..but apa yang baik takkan kita nk buangkn?Pikir2 sendirila camne…
For me,kalau ada org tua nk bercakap,kita sebagai minor kenala dgr..ape yang kita rasa salah..diam2 je la..maybe ada btolnye…kita tak tau sebab kita tinggal dlm dunia yang terpencil….mcm2 org boleh pengaruhi kita…so depend on diri sendiri…kita yang tentukan diri kita sendiri..
Written: 3 Disember 2007
Things I'll Never Say
Some words are juz better left unspoken...
Becoz people juz might not understand about it...
Waking up,ive juz realize that ive slept after eating nasi lemak from v5 (sedap3~~~)...its 9.15pm and the first song that played on my mind was from Avril-Things I'll never say...right now,Leann Rimes is playing...how do i live without you...and suddenly i miss my mom so much i felt like crying....
Its true that some things are suppose to be said...but what makes me sad is that i dont have the courage to say so...and then i kept telling myself my friends wont understand...
As i get older i become brave enough to say what i want to say...but the most important things were kept inside..like how much i cared about my family... friends..but i don't want them to know when things get bad...
how hurtful it is how they mistreated me....how i cant say a thing to stand up for myself..even tough i know I'm right...if i do have the courage speak in these conditions...I'll end up disappointing myself...and hurt them too....
Its ironic when i think about my best friend and me;because at first we never liked each other up untill we dont like to speak to each other...its funny to think during my trip to Ayer Tawar(which was really tiring,hurt my arm...)..i manage to wake early in the morning and give her a call at 6.30am...it end up 7.45am...ive told her so many things that happen in my life,in the end i didnt even tell her how much i care about her...and never even thank her for listening....and now i cant forgive myself for disturbing her becoz she was suppose to take her exam the next day..how selfish of me...what hurts the most is that,i miss her a lot whenever things get bad here....
maybe what im saying here is not fair to others,and i'm sorry if i did....I'm trying to learn not to expect so much from a person becoz expecting to much might hurt....and i also don't want people to expect much from me....how sad to think that a friendship can change by the slightest misunderstanding...how hurtful it is that they used you as a last resort...made me think that all this while...the friendship is juz a fake...and i can never say it in the face of a friend....so who's fault is this?...
maybe its due to exam week or so...but i want things to settle as quickly as possible...it seems that if i cant say it,i'll just have to pick up the courage...Allah help me becoz i dont a friendship go away like that,ive done it once,i dont want it to happen ever again...
-speak what you needed to speak-
-appreciate them if you cant say it-
-love them as much as you can before its too late-
-This was posted on 31 October 2007-
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