Airplanes

Its funny how you purposely lash out on me so you could have your way...

Its funny because it was all done for the sake of confort...

Some people demand too much they forgot to give what it takes to deserve it...

But I guess when you tried too hard, it wont be enough...

Missing you

as the rain clouds past me by

as the sounds of the birds fills the skies

i miss you....

i miss you....

when the trees starts swaying

when the rains stops draining

i miss you....

i miss you....

if the time can be turn

if the world can stop spinning

if i could right next to you

if your here with me

come back to me

i miss you...

i miss you...

-Darariah, 22/7/2010-

Mad for being perfect

It's funny how simple conversations can make you mad and depress....you barely notice it at first but the moment it seeps through,its like poison...a poison that devours you slowly ad steadily youd wish it would hurry and kill you with and instant death...

How i wish everything was as simple and likeble...even the slightest misunderstanding/ mistake or misconception would bother me right now...its not hard to admit that have no personal grudge towards others people annoying behavior...but i do have a hard time forgetting/forgiving someone for thier bad treatment of me...

for instance,

during my secondary school days, i was a complete freak you can call 'too different'...im the kind of girl that would rather read books than watching tv, i love hanging out with boys than girls,im too obedient, i too shallow and i'd prefer to be friends with people who are interested in me rather than having a awkward conversation...beig true to myself..thats a person that i'll always be because thats me...


people judge me the moment they see or hear my name...trust me, its not easy to have an adverb as a name...people always make fun of it as if it a joke or would hate me for it since they have to call me 'Sayang'...i on the other really prefer people calling me 'Nana' or 'Syazanna' ....whats the big deal? i love my name and i hate it when people have the nerve tell me they have a problem calling me 'Sayang'' since their not single anymore...what a load of bull....some people just tajea look at me and say that im obnoxious...whatever...some even had the nerve to yell/make faces/tengking/jeling or whatever rude remarks too me...and i have absolutely no idea why since i cant recall what did i ever do to them...i am a lone ranger you know..what could i do to deserve that kind of treatment?.....


and the funny thing is...they keep coming and suddenly were 'best friends!'..

another bull....


people lie to me because i'm too trustfull
people took advantage of me because i'm too nice
people hate me if i speak my mind
people doubt me because i'm small...

but somehow they expect me to be PERFECT

i hate to complain the same ting over and over but its just soo frustrating!!!!

when all the while i thought i could stay, i'll suddenly be kicked out....
when all the while i thought i could trust, i'll be taken advantage of...
when all the while i thought i could be myself, i'll get stabbed in the back....

why is it so hard to find someone who really appreciates you for who you are....no matter how hard you fall or how hard you climb...it would be nice to have someone to share it with...without worrying about being judge, inferior or hurt?.......its always have been the same cycle and im so tired of it....

i know lately im dont sound happy as i used too...but what else do i have right now?
sometimes somethings happen too much....

Hate is a strong word

hate everybody right now

because everybody wants me to be perfect

one flaw than i'm gone

all my efforts puff!!!

whatever

someday you'll need me

and on that day i'm gone

Round and round

within a few weeks...will be the last round of life as a university student...

waaaaaa~

i'll honestly admit i'll miss UTP...

but cant talk about it now since i'm still in UTP...

there are some things ive been bothered recently...

i keep feeling scared....

imagine yourslef feeling so insecure of your life,every bits and pieces that you have will vanish..and then came the feeling of loss...i hate that feeling...i guess it goes back to the days when you were small and innocent....

a few of my friends know of my predicament...but i never once told any soul about how i really feel at that particular moment...its true when experts say, when your a children...you tend to remember what happen...even if you dont..it'll effect you later in life...

sad....

honestly...its been a long time since i felt trapped...i always tell myself...'i want to be free' but i dont know how...or wat am i supposed to be free from?...at times i would draw myself trappend in a cage with chains attached to my feet...as tough im a prisoner and theres always a chain tied up to me...its so frustrating you just want to quit...i dont see myself as a quitter...but i know one thing i seldom act due to fear of failure...

frust....

but i guess being paranoid keeps your head in life right? you look before you leap, you prevent father than cure and you do what you have to do to survive...maybe it is a blessing...and being able to keep my head strait these tough moments in my life...i know i can survive...:)

live your life to the fullest

i dont think its wrong to feel that way..but it sure helps to be more confident in life and getting to do what you always wanted to do...but then again,its always best to appreciate what you have and be gratefull about it..one day,who knows its gone forever,right?