Things I'll Never Say

Some words are juz better left unspoken...

Becoz people juz might not understand about it...

Waking up,ive juz realize that ive slept after eating nasi lemak from v5 (sedap3~~~)...its 9.15pm and the first song that played on my mind was from Avril-Things I'll never say...right now,Leann Rimes is playing...how do i live without you...and suddenly i miss my mom so much i felt like crying....

Its true that some things are suppose to be said...but what makes me sad is that i dont have the courage to say so...and then i kept telling myself my friends wont understand...

As i get older i become brave enough to say what i want to say...but the most important things were kept inside..like how much i cared about my family... friends..but i don't want them to know when things get bad...

how hurtful it is how they mistreated me....how i cant say a thing to stand up for myself..even tough i know I'm right...if i do have the courage speak in these conditions...I'll end up disappointing myself...and hurt them too....

Its ironic when i think about my best friend and me;because at first we never liked each other up untill we dont like to speak to each other...its funny to think during my trip to Ayer Tawar(which was really tiring,hurt my arm...)..i manage to wake early in the morning and give her a call at 6.30am...it end up 7.45am...ive told her so many things that happen in my life,in the end i didnt even tell her how much i care about her...and never even thank her for listening....and now i cant forgive myself for disturbing her becoz she was suppose to take her exam the next day..how selfish of me...what hurts the most is that,i miss her a lot whenever things get bad here....

maybe what im saying here is not fair to others,and i'm sorry if i did....I'm trying to learn not to expect so much from a person becoz expecting to much might hurt....and i also don't want people to expect much from me....how sad to think that a friendship can change by the slightest misunderstanding...how hurtful it is that they used you as a last resort...made me think that all this while...the friendship is juz a fake...and i can never say it in the face of a friend....so who's fault is this?...

maybe its due to exam week or so...but i want things to settle as quickly as possible...it seems that if i cant say it,i'll just have to pick up the courage...Allah help me becoz i dont a friendship go away like that,ive done it once,i dont want it to happen ever again...

-speak what you needed to speak-

-appreciate them if you cant say it-

-love them as much as you can before its too late-

-This was posted on 31 October 2007-