Confessions Of A Broken Heart

Sometimes, when we expect too much, we tend to forget to be grateful…

We can live our own lives, we can keep our own secrets, and we can have everything we wanted it to be….

But sometimes,

Fate has its own ways…..


I remember that night, I met this girl and we had a conversation that I’ll remember by heart…

‘What are you doing?’

‘Just watching the skies’

‘What are you feeling right now?’

‘I feel very lonely…but by watching the skies, I don’t feel very lonely…’

‘Why so?’

‘Because…even if I’m feeling lonely right here, someone else who might have the same feeling maybe is watching the skies too…then together we share this lonely feeling under the same sky…’

‘Do you always feel like this?’

‘It was always at first but for once…For the first time in my life, I didn’t, but I let it slipped away…’

‘Why?’

‘Because I made a mistake, and it was unforgivable….’

‘What made you make that mistake? All mistakes should be forgiven…’

‘It happened because I was so pissed and fed up with people asking me questions that I don’t have the answer…If I do, why should I hide it anyway? If I do, I won’t be so confused then I won’t have said what I shouldn’t have said which hurt an innocent and end up hurting myself too…’

‘Don’t feel sorry for yourself, you’ll look so weak…’

‘I was never strong, I never faced my problems, I never was what people taught I was.....they say just be yourself…but when I did, people just keep their distance…so here I am, wearing a mask of all sorts… laughing to myself, seeing how stupid I have been…’

‘I’m sorry if you felt that way…’

‘Don’t be…I don’t need your sympathy…’


Then she left without a single word……
It was after a few months I saw her again....


‘So how do you feel right now? It’s been awhile since we met…’

‘It was the same…I lost the feeling but its still there…somewhere deep inside my heart, I knew it’s always there....I had that feeling but I let it slipped away...I can’t bring myself to let it go…’

‘Even if the person who gave you that feeling doesn’t even care?’

‘I don’t know…’

‘You don’t know? Or you don’t want to know?’

‘I’m too proud to loose, and I’m too afraid to ask…I’ll just be that loser who can’t even understand myself…’

‘But why are you crying dear?...’

‘I don’t want to cry...I tried so hard not too...every time I pushed it away...it kept coming back as hard as I push it away... I kept asking myself, why? It was never so hard before...It was never so hard to forget...I can accept it was my fault, I can accept being friends, it was better than having nothing at all....’

‘But someday, you have to let it go...’

‘I wish I could....I taught I did...But I couldn’t...It was the best feeling...I don’t want to let go...’

‘But then it’s like being stupid...and you’re just lying to yourself...’

‘I know...somehow, when I’m strong enough I should...all this while, its my friends who cover up the wound, even if they don’t know about it...i should be grateful with what I had than regret what I didn’t....it’s not mine to take...i should be happy if he is without me...’

‘What was he like? What made him so special?’

‘He may not be the perfect person you taught he was...He had something that I always searched in a guy...until now, I forgot what it was because I already found it in him... He listens...He made me laugh...He hurts me so much I can actually love it...He made me scared and happy at the same time...But the best thing was, he made me happy because I can smile everyday and I even forget that I was lonely before...for me, he’s perfect as I what him to be...he may have some flaws but I know flaws can be improved...but now, he’s not mine and I know I shouldn’t have this feeling...’

‘Why should you regret it? Everyone has the right to have it...you didn’t ask for it, it usually comes by itself....’

‘I regret it because I saw it from the start, it was very clear...I told everything about myself but I know nothing about him...as how much I shared, I didn’t deserve his secrets...he showed it from the start and I should have known where my rightful place to be...I’m so stupid I should have seen it...but I’m really thankful to him, he gave me a chance...and now, I can be more understanding than I ever was before to my friends that are brave enough to cross the line...’

‘So what it’ll be? What are you going to do now?’

‘I’ll just keep it for awhile, when I’m strong enough, I’ll let it go...if he’s happy now, why can’t I be happy too right? I know I’m being immature about it but then, if that’s what I am, so let it be...’

And then, there she went....the most meaningful conversation that I ever had...from that day on, I wish I could see her again...the girl who was brave enough to confess after a long time of regret...the girl I seldom see in life...the girl that I only see in the mirror....



I’m just too stupid and inconsiderate to see...

Welcome back to sleepless nights...

I’m sorry and I thank you....

written:June 05,2008