And the worlds spins round and round

So here I am as promised...

Its been a week at home and Im starting to get the hang of it...

My cats are getting fat
My attitude is showing
My room is messy
My laptop is the best friend

and I havent had fun yet..

bohoo me~

Well...

Its not the end of life,true it does sound boring but hey, it doenst change the fact you can still have a life..right now Im just planning my future uptake and what do i have to do to achieve it...

sound like hard work?

yup!

hahaha~

been reading a lot of blogs lately and some are pretty much the same since i last visited...(like Im the one to talk)...so what and where should i start due to my long absennce in ths favourite place of mine?

first..lets talk about the absence..

I WAS TOTALLY BUSY

busy with work...not!

well..if youve been browsing the previous post..you know its not the issue...because i love having work to do even though i complaine if its a last minute job...

but what im busying myself is...

busy patching up myself
busy trying to make the best of myself
busy being a bitch..(yup...a bitch,haha!)
busy pretending
busy trying to make it right
busy understanding
busy ignoring

yeah..too much emotion up there...in fact i really dont want to write much when im emotional...because honestly..it makes me scared that i might actually regret it....worst! feeling guilty!! (buummer~~)

people can say what they want to say and i dont care....this is my blog and i dont want to be considerate with other peoples feelings when its not necessary....

thinking about it...

theres an up side and down side in this situation

up side

i totally have confidence in what i want and what i want to say..plus..by any chance/luck if people wont assume too much then they wont hurt themselves...(siapa makan cili..dia terasa pedasnya...)..=P

down side

yup...hurting others peoples feelings...in my own way let me say that i for one loves so much to speak my mind...i dont care what you say about it..if by chance ive said it out loud than well...im sorry....what im pretty sure of myself is that what i said its either what i think that will bring benefit to you or i think it doesnt suit you...hey...if your mature enough to think about..turn down your ego a bit...maybe you'll understand...=)

i admit..its been a hurtful, tiring, confusing and full of bitching this semester...i dont know if its the pressure of the next phase in life but owh dear God only you know what ive been through....

truth is...

it can be frustrating when you worked so hard to make it right but it goes unappreciated? ever felt left behind? ever felt betrayed? ever felt so low...so down upon yorself you cant really look at yourself and cant help thiking what a failure you have been?...i have...and i did...hiperbolicly, i nearly went near the edge...but alhamdullilah...You where there....

i know im not fit to be questioning too much but hey, you never know in life when at one point you'll lost trust in everyone you know..and all they want from you are mounting expectations added by pushing and shoving and blaming and well...you get the picture....

my solution right now?

ignorance...and patience.....

ignoring may not solve the problem...
ignoring may not help you deliver the message...

but thats all you have since you only got patience...since all the efforts are taken for granted....it sucks but thats life as i see it right now...

not a happy ending for me...but right now...

i'll live to see another day..God willing...insyAllah~