why?

Its been the third week of the semester,and I'm still here..in this place I'd so much call home...lots of things I've been coping up the past month..and as I walk myself to do the usual...I realize that..every now and then,I'm losing it....

Listening to my favourite songs dont cut it,jogging didnt cut it,laughing with my friends patch it up a little...but still...it's still there..the feeling of lost...

It's a mere fact,I'm not being myself lately,people usually see me as the happy-go-lucky-that-doesnt-seem-to-have-a-problem-in-the-world nana...but the mask that Ive been wearing seems to peel itself from me...I sincerely admit,I'm losing myself...

I don't know what was the cause,but eventually it started this year...maybe around February i think that my will and courage had seem to go off...it's like a part of me has gone somewhere that I dont know,or maybe I can't reach...

Friends say,dont thnk about it...but then,that's easier said than done...You see,I dont forget easily...It's a blessing and a curse...I can't forget certain events in my life that require forgetting...but then;by remembering,it reminds me to be careful next time..but if I remember it,it makes it hard to forgive...

It seems like distant memorise kept coming and going...I keep having headaches...and I cry for a reason that I dont know of...quite immature to some maybe but then its a pain that I'm going trough and I dont expect people to understand it...

And Allah wont test you with a burden you cant bear - Al-Quran

I know,everything happens for a reason,and I know its a burden I have to bear...maybe the answers will come out someday...maybe I deserve this punishment...All I have to do is swollow the medicine for a better tomorrow....

At a certain point,Ive reached my limit,but then,God bless..I never cross the line of rationality...and I'm grateful enough to have friends that are there for me...I thank all of you for being there for me when I needed you the most...

Today,the first time in my life...I felt lonely in a crowded room..everyone seems to be talking..me?I dunno...I love and hate my loneliness...It's like an addiction...it's been my friend for so long...but I know someday I have to let it go...

Some people want to talk me into something,for some reason I dont want to listen...I dont know why...but a simple line can make you laugh or cry...and I'm tired of crying..

You wear a mask for too long,you forget who you really were underneath it...

Somebody save me from myself...